I feel so isolated, so depressed and anxious whenever I think of things such as getting my GED or finally heading out to go to a dentist and get my teeth fixed. Or hanging out with my worthless, POS problematic family. I have no idea why. I know I’m not smart enough for the GED and I fear things going wrong. I just wanna get it done in just one or a few days. I just want to rest and live without a diploma since I believe I sorta have average intelligence as I was told before. I don’t really have college plans cause I have no interest in anything, and I know there’s some colleges out there that don’t require a diploma or similar.
I just really wish I could pay someone to take it for me or do it in a way that doesn’t take a long time or just bypass it. I don’t even feel like living.
What you describe - that feeling when you think of doing those things, my personal experience has me classify it as overthinking becomes getting overwhelmed. And once I’m overwhelmed, I want to escape.
Keeping in mind coping mechanisms aren’t one size fits all, the coping mechanism that helped me is to write out the problem step by step. This forces me to think slower, and helps me get out of that recursion of thinking about the same things.
I’ve also found some success in the age of AI LLMs asking one to break it down as well.
An example would be the dentist. First I need to find one, I need to look at reviews, I need to make sure they accept my insurance, I need to make sure they’re reasonably close by. Alright, I compile a list of a few options, now the next part is the hard part: I have to actually call to get scheduled. But once I have it scheduled, my social anxiety is superceded by my desire to just get it over with. Sure I may feel that anxiety once I get close to the appointment, but I can cope with that - the real trick is by breaking down the process I didn’t get overwhelmed as quick, and if I did I had notes to come back to.
just wanna say thank you all so much
I’ll try and keep my answer brief, because I feel the urge to infodump lol.
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Task anxiety: I struggle with this and am under treatment for it. For me it has 2 parts: 1. Something like “see the dentist” that most people see as 1 step, I see as all the individual parts (like a previous comment lists) and get overwhelmed by it all and feel like I have to get it all done at once. For this, it helps me to write every single step down and just try tackling one when I feel the motivation.
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My brain jumps ahead to thinking about worst-case what ifs, like really expensive dental work. It helps me some to ask myself the best and worst case for this, and I keep a list of examples when I expected the worst and it didn’t happen to remind myself it’s not guaranteed to be the worst case.
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Future/jobs and career: First of all, don’t believe what people have told you about your intelligence. Everyone has areas of expertise and areas of weakness. If math isn’t your thing, there are plenty of jobs where you don’t have to do math (or nothing harder than add, subtract, multiply, divide). How you did in school and not getting your GED (yet) doesn’t imply intelligence. Second, don’t feel like you have to choose the career that you’ll do for the rest of your life. I’m on my 4th “career” and none of them are what I initially studied in college. In true ADHD fashion, each time I’ve sort of fallen into a new opportunity, my passion (about the novelty) got me the job, I dove in for a while, and then it fizzled out and I chased another interest.
Oh, he might be me. 1 also applies to 2: Don’t see “dentist” as this complex task that is about figuring out what to do, getting the money, getting it done.
Focus on one thing: Get a quick cheap appointment for a first assessment. Typically 10 - 20 minutes, I think, unless he does same day x-ray.
OP would feel like a million bucks when he walks out and has a first idea how how extensive the work will be. When I was in that situation, I was sure it would be horrific, like many pulled teeth, expensive dentures. In reality, there were just lots of discolourations and 5 cavities, which is not great, but so much better than I thought. And it’s likely that my case is already near worst-case, because with anything more, there’d be enormous pain and infections.
If dentist anxiety is involved, first step is to find a dentist who specialises in that. Like, when you first come, he’d have a talk in the office, not the dentist chair, and only if you feel like it, he’d have a look based on your limits (e. g. no instruments in mouth, not on the dentist chair, etc.).
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Most important is to not get hung up on some image of what you “should” do. See if you are capable of improving yourself for 15 minutes per day, exact, with a stopwatch.
A first 15 minute session might just be a best effort of assembling study material.
Then see how it goes: Can you learn something new during that time? If so, you can do it, and it’s just a matter of time.
What motivates me is that after those 15 minutes I’ll be smarter than I have ever been before. You can also do 25 minutes if you feel it.
I have done great at times, long ago, to study something new. Most times it didn’t work out, though. One of my most toxic thoughts is: I should basically know this and it shouldn’t take long, I’ll just skim through the material. No, real progress happens when I set aside a brief moment to learn just this one little basic thing, but for real, with taking notes, practising if applicable. Turn that into a daily habit, and it’s really powerful.
Hey, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve been down this road and it’s terrible. Have you considered a trade? I never graduated high school, or got my GED, but I’ve had 30 years of a super interesting trade, where I got to do all kinds of things. I work on boats, but maybe you’d like woodwork, or welding? With a trade you generally learn while you’re working so you’re not racking up huge debt, which is a plus. The nice thing about working on boats specifically is every day is different, every boat is different, and each job is like a puzzle. Plus there can be a lot of movement in the trades and if you want to move somewhere else you can. One thing that people say is bad about the trades is that it wrecks your body, which they aren’t totally wrong about. Except that things have changed a lot over the years and safety, proper body posture and movement, and conditions have improved dramatically. I teach at a trade school now and that’s a HUGE part of what I teach. You can have a long and rewarding career in the trades if you make safety a priority from the get go.
I can’t say much about dealing with your family, my solution was a whole lot of distance and some very firm boundaries.
Sorry if this wasn’t super helpful, but sometimes you don’t know what other options are out there. Good luck.
I dont have an interest in most things and despise math. However, being a welder looks a tiny bit interesting to me. Then again, i don’t really know. As I said, I have no interest in most things sadly, which I kick myself over. I can handle physical stuff or at least force myself to. (Which I know is wrong). So thanks a lot. I also hope ot be able to move abroad or get into them abroad. I also heard that without a GED/Diploma, you get paid an unfairly amount less.
Sounds like a lot of this stems from you putting too much pressure on yourself to find something to do. I didn’t land on what my car was going to be until I went to uni at 21 and realised that I was enjoying the classes. I took a gamble on the course I picked and it worked out.
Sounds like you just need to go on a bit of a discovery journey and just try a load of different things. But don’t sweat it, don’t pressure yourself into trying to get into each one you try. Just try and go with the flow as much as possible and if something doesn’t click, start looking around for the next thing that might catch your eye.
I know it’s easier said than done, but I really do feel like a lot of this stems from the expectations you’ve given yourself (or that others have put onto you). You just need to chill, calm down and relax. It’s not going to be the end of the world if you can’t find something immediately. There’s always another entrance in if you just keep walking around. You’ll find the one you fit into eventually.
It is normal to be anxious about things sometimes. I also didn’t have my GED and had dental issues and felt less than because of it. The dread I’d feel having to go through the testing or the cost of fixing my teeth made me not want to go through either. I did eventually do both, after basically giving myself an ultimatum. I was depressed and didn’t feel like existing as well, but there were a few people that I really didn’t want to let down. The place by me that let me obtain my GED has a process where they would test your knowledge, then tutor you on your gaps, then let you take the tests. I ended up passing with pretty high scores because I over prepared, which felt really nice. That gave me enough confidence to get my teeth fixed and worry about the cost later, which also boosted my confidence. The anxiety didn’t go away entirely, but I remember the feeling of overcoming what I thought were impossible tasks. That was over a decade ago. I’ve since gotten a good career and I’m currently the most confident I’ve been. I don’t know if my story will help you, but maybe you knowing you aren’t alone in that feeling can offer some solace. My only advice would be to not let the anxiety control you. It’s not a switch you can just turn off, but maybe by tricking your brain by remembering failing won’t hurt/kill you, you can overcome yours.
Its good to hear your story. I do have insurance on my side which helps a lot.
That is very fortunate. I grew up very poor and didn’t have that option. Maybe if that is a less daunting task, you can do that first. I genuinely hope you can overcome the anxiety. Take care
Anxiety over doing something can really kick you down and lead to deep depression and feelings of incompetence. You can do it. For me I just look for a little goal and that helps me tackle the bigger ones. If I’m in a rut I will clean my home or go exercise, anything I can basically do on autopilot that’s an easy win.
You absolutely can get your GED. You can pass it. Once you get thru that block it may change your feelings about your future and what you hope from it. Just taking some elective classes at a community college can lead to new interests and meet new people. It’s just easier to have someone like a teacher push milestones for me to reach instead of relying on my own motivation to do it.
