I’m fairly new to all of this. I started questioning 3-4 weeks ago and feel like I’m kind of figuring some things out in my mind, but also like I’m at a roadblock or a fork in the road. I feel like to see where I need/want to go next, I need to explore, but I don’t know how. I’ve heard about playing a game or whatever online and use a different identity, but it’d be hard to cram another game in enough for that to feel useful. I could try on some clothes, but that feels so limited in what it tells me. I’m sure it could be related to the fact that over time I have been convincing myself there’s not boy/girl clothes, they’re just fabric anyone can buy. (I think some of this came to be when my first child was conceived and we specifically avoided gendering kids things) Maybe I’m just looking for a way to get confirmation about what I think I’m feeling?
When you were discovering yourself, what did your journey look like? What do I do? Do you have any advice?
I’m open (and less panicked) about the ideas of some identity possibilities, but still when I think deeply, “how do I really feel about myself?” I just feel kind of empty, or a void. Any advice or guidance at all would be super helpful and much appreciated!
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Living as a chosen identity in social groups is your best bet for starting. Ask a trusted friend to call you by a different name/pronouns and see how it feels.
If you don’t have anyone that you feel you can trust, there are plenty of LGBT centered Discord communities that are publicly available. I’m sure someone in those would be willing to help out! (I can also recommend some if you want)
And if you’re not willing to do that either, the the safest option would be talking to yourself in the mirror and having a conversation trying out a new name/pronouns.
I am also free to talk if you ever need, just hmu!
💖
I would be up for some discord chats. I’ve never been into it before, but just started for another group.
The idea of looking 100% boy mode (maybe man-bear mode), beard and all, and asking someone to call me something else just feels… Silly? (I mean no disrespect) it just feels like that would be super fake to ask, with my appearance. I feel like if I looked the part, it would be better. But investing in something before you try it out isn’t really a great idea either.
I can’t get over how supportive and wholesome these communities have been. It’s been very helpful.
This resonates with me
It’s uncomfortable both ways
I get how you feel that way, and the fact that you don’t feel comfy in asking that out of your friends might be telling you something about your friends.
Anyways, my discord is @canada. Anyone else that wants to can hmu as well!
I think it only feels silly because of the way we’ve been conditioned. You don’t explicitly feel nor look “like a woman” (or however you end up identifying) so using different pronouns is simply Weird. And that’s okay.
I find it helpful to “practice” in online settings and in games, as you mentioned. Any game that allows you to select your name, gender, modify your presentation, and see yourself in the 3rd person is good, like Stardew Valley. I also use SnapChat with my queer, transitioning friends. All of my friends know who I am and my pronouns, so when we have game nights (online or in person), they’ll refer to me correctly.
It takes practice.