• guyrocket@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    I am glad this perspective is being presented. I think ftm people have a unique view of how difficult it can be to be a man that throws light on a lot of men’s issues.

    I hope this person can present more along these lines. I think I could come up with hundreds of questions.

    • Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      1 year ago

      I’m a trans guy who transitioned in the 2000s. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have on the unique perspective of men’s issues from someone who spent 20 ish years as a woman.

      • MakingWork@lemmy.ca
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        1 year ago

        Would you be able to answer some more questions please? I’m interested to hear more of your opinion and experience!

        1. Did you find as a man you are taken more seriously by employers and coworkers? Do you find your opinion became more valuable?
        2. What do you find are disadvantages of being a male?

        Thank you!

        • Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          1 year ago
          1. I did not find that people take me more seriously at work as a man. However, I work in tech and all companies I have worked are focused on ensuring that women have an equal place at the table. I imagine that other fields yield different results. – I did want to note that I had the opposite experience with healthcare. As a woman, doctors were less likely to take me seriously. As a man, they take anything I say to be the truth and trust me to make decisions.

          2. Disadvantages of being male are:

          • People are more reluctant to help you with anything and everything, as if he’s a man, so he’s got it.
          • Harder to date and socialize. It’s downright isolating at times.
          • Strangers are less likely to trust you.
          • There are fewer social programs to help men in need. I was homeless for a spell and there were no shelters for men, for example.
          • It’s much harder to get a job in tech as a man, because companies try to meet a gender quota despite most applicants being men.
          • Strangers are more likely to be violent towards men.
          • Must be careful around women so they don’t think I am a danger. For example, if walking at night and a woman is coming from the opposite direction I feel obligated to cross the street so they don’t think I’m going to attack or harass them.
          • Chunk@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago
            • It’s much harder to get a job in tech as a man, because companies try to meet a gender quota despite most applicants being men.

            I’ve worked at woke companies who fought tooth and nail to say that they didn’t give women special preference in interviews. You can’t deny statistics, though. If you have 40% women engineers but only 10% of applicants are women then of course it’s easier.

      • guyrocket@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        Thank you, Kit.
        Here are some questions:

        1. I don’t know if women really understand how powerful testosterone is. What was/is your experience with it?
        2. What other biological differences did you notice? Were they temporary or permanent?
        3. How do you think men and women can better understand each other?
        4. What are some things you would change about women? And about men?
        5. What did you think about strip clubs when you were a woman? Did that opinion change as a man? Why and how?
        6. What did you think about women before transitioning and how did that change after you transitioned? And also about men.

        I don’t want to wear out my welcome so I’ll stop there. No rush to answer, I’d prefer more complete answers to quick ones.

        • Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          1 year ago
          1. For me, testosterone primarily feels like the ability to focus and critically think - like my head was foggy before and is now clear. Everything seems to be logical, and my ability to troubleshoot complex issues is dramatically stronger when my T levels are good. Without T, everything feels extremely emotional and even minor things feel like they’re high-stakes. That’s not to say that I don’t feel emotion with T, rather the emotions are more appropriate for the situation. I do find that I care less about people in general when on T - For example, when I see a stranger with a problem I don’t feel like I have an obligation to help them whereas before I had an intristic need to help everyone around me.
          2. I had many biological changes, such as a change in body fat and muscle, significant facial/body hair, hair thinning - which is a miserable conversion in and of itself, period loss, and changes in my genitals that I would prefer not to discuss. All of these were euphoric to me, meaning they made me feel good and more like myself.
          3. I think that the best way for a man to understand a woman and vice-versa is to roleplay online as the opposite gender. For example, you may have noticed that people are more willing to help and harass you as a female character. Male characters mostly get ignored.
          4. I thought on this one for a while and couldn’t come up with a strong response that doesn’t just parrot the talking points of this community.
          5. I felt indifferent and uninterested in strip clubs before transitioning. I still feel the same way. They just seem like a bad time to me.
          6. Before transitioning I didn’t understand gender dynamics at all. I thought it was a level playing field and had no grasp on the many courtesies and dangers that women face that men do not, and vice-versa. It’s often frustrating to see people rag on men’s or women’s behavior/privilege/issues, because people rarely hit the mark on reality.

          I did also want to mention that one thing blew my mind - The way that the dynamics of a room change when it’s all men, versus when there’s a single woman in the room. With all men, it seems like guys relax and suddenly don’t feel the need to walk on eggshells. Social courtesies become significantly less important and men tend to communicate more directly. Next time you’re in a room of all men and a woman walks in, keep an eye out for the subtle differences in how men behave.

          • Wanderer@lemm.ee
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            1 year ago

            On your last point. Guys only get to be guys when around other guys, exclusively.

            Lots of women act like men aren’t right or they aren’t good enough when they actual normal and do normal guy shit.

            Guys wants to call each other a cunt and rip into each other and tell funny stories, it’s how they bond and trust each other. Girls don’t like that and think guys should stop it. Either the guys act normal to them and it goes to HR or they act normal to each other and the girl is pissed off she is treated differently and goes to HR. The only thing to do is to act completely professionally.

            Boys are just built different and I don’t think it’s fair that women always tell us and actual children how they should and shouldn’t act in a way that is against their nature.

            Guys are in dire need of male only spaces where they can shoot the shit. I only really had it in sports clubs or as a child, or luckily in some work environments. But work isn’t the same as outside so that’s sucks. Wish my knee wasn’t fucked.

            • Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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              1 year ago

              If you yearn for a male only space, check out the Freemasons. There’s something there for everyone, and it’s a great way to make friends later in life.