Update 2: At least Apple was kind enough to refund my money. I’m glad I learned my lesson the easy way. No more dating apps ever again for me!
Update: Thanks all for your overwhelming support. I really needed these words of comfort. Besides this, I live a very lonely isolated life and it’s difficult to meet new people. Regardless of being very active, working out a lot and doing a lot of social activities. I will try to reply everything, but I have definitely read everything!
I’m 33M and last night I downloaded Tinder again after deleting it for the 100th time. In a few hours I got 16 likes, but not a match. So I decided to go ahead and pay for one week to see these matches. Literally all of them were fake accounts. Not a single one of these 16 were real.
I broke down in tears, because my dating life hasn’t really been good. As a POC it’s even more difficult. Then, as the idiot I am, I went ahead and spent money just to find out all of it is just a scam. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. Meeting in real life is basically non existent in this day and age.
I’m just so over with life itself. My self esteem is completely down the gutter. I wish there was an easy and painless escape out of this life.
I suggest not trying to date until you are out of this hole. You don’t need to feel fantastic and amazing every day. But if you feel at least normal, then your ability to improve your dating life will be significantly improved.
Dating successfully really comes down to three things: presentation, substance, and numbers.
Let’s start with substance. Women like sex and relationships. But women don’t tend to be as motivated by sex as men, and they can pretty easily find a guy to fuck them any night of the week by any number of means - and most women have a couple exes or fwbs in their phone that they will call up when they feel the need. So most women are not jonesing to go out and find a new guy to smash. And while many women yearn to be in a relationship, they are typically interested in being in a relationship that adds to their lives - not just being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. So the most important first step is to ask yourself: what can you actually add to someone else’s life? Are you fun? Successful? Charismatic? A good juggler? Do you have an awesome group of friends? Can you be emotionally supportive to someone who needs your help? Do you spend your days doing enjoyable and meaningful things? Do you have your shit generally together mentally, physically, and financially? I don’t want to give the impression that you have to be some kind of ubermensch here - but if you are not able to pay your bills, have fun doing some hobbies with some good friends, and look forward to a bright future, then very few women are going to be interested in you because being with you would be the same or worse than being on their own. The substance of who you are and the life you live is the most important factor in your dating success - so it is good to put a lot of energy into this. Note also that I’m not saying you need to become a rich douchebag. I’m just saying you need to figure out how to like who you are, and like your life, and if you are unhappy, then change these things until you are happy.
Presentation is kind of like sharpening the substance you have built up. Are you an awesome person with an awesome life? Great! You are 90% of the way there. But your ability to get a date will be tanked if you look like a homeless person. Go get a haircut and put on some clothes that fit pretty well and have a style that you jive with. If you are doing online dating, go out and take some pics of yourself doing cool things where you are looking good.
Finally, numbers. Fact is, unless you are a famous movie actor or something, the vast majority of women will not be interested in you.That’s fine, because there are also vast numbers of women. So now you just have to find the women who are interested in what you are offering. You can do this online on Tinder or Hinge by sending out tons and tons of likes. Or you can do this in real life by spending lots of time in as many social situations as possible and meeting lots of people, some of whom might be sexy somebodies. So then, whatever venue you’re in, if you see someone you are interested in, strike up a convo and see where it goes.
But seriously - mental health first.