Would you ever straight up say to your son, ‘You are a disappointment’?

  • abbadon420@sh.itjust.works
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    1 day ago

    No, but I would say something like “I am very dissapointed in you for doing X”. A kid can’t change who they “are”, but they can change what they “do”.

    • scarabic@lemmy.world
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      17 hours ago

      This is a key distinction. To make sure they understand it properly, I usually push it even further to “You did a disappointing thing.”

      • scarabic@lemmy.world
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        17 hours ago

        You can choose and change what you do.

        You can’t choose or change what you are.

        If you get confused about do / be just refer back to those rules and you’ll know which one applies.

        • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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          20 hours ago

          we’re talking about people dude. we are not talking about scientific principles.

          people claim want to be healthy and then engage in unhealthy behaviors. they are unhealthy. what they do is what defines them, not what they desire to be.

          • abbadon420@sh.itjust.works
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            20 hours ago

            Yes we are talking about people. People can be held accountable for their actions and people can change their ways if they make mistakes. You’re saying that people cannot change. If they bought a tesla, they’re nazis, so fuck them.

            • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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              20 hours ago

              I’m not saying any of that. But please keep telling me more about myself. Clearly you know everything…

              • abbadon420@sh.itjust.works
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                20 hours ago

                That’s the point though. I’m not telling you anything about yourself. I’m telling you about what you’re saying. I’m not assuming anything about who you are or aren’t.

                • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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                  20 hours ago

                  No, you are misrepresenting what I’m saying to make it look extreme and stupid. It’s called straw-manning.