You miss them but they are in a much better place now. This place is the hard one. Next one is vacation.

I’m happy for you that you had a parent that made you feel loved enough to miss them.

My dad died when I was 16, it sucked so bad. We were close and I was not so close to my mom. It just gets smaller and smaller until it’s manageable. Grief is one thing that there is no way out but through, you shouldn’t wallow but you have to feel it or it will be worse.

My mom died when she was old and I was more ready for that, and think she was too. That didn’t hurt as much at all because I had more time to know it was coming, so I guess the emotional work happened beforehand.

My mother died 11 months ago. Brain cancer.
I just kept going. If I had to go to work, I did. If I had to take a minute or 20 to collect myself at a random moment, I took it.

Before her diagnosis in December of 2024, we were planing on her visiting, and us going to see White Sands a couple hours away from my place. I took the trip last April, just me and a little urn. That was a good trip. A few days mostly alone in a quiet place.

It worried my father, my going by myself. But I reminded him, even as a kid I always wanted solitude when I was upset, this wasn’t any different.

But that’s me. You should trust yourself. Greve Grieve how you feel is right for you.

I am happy for you that you miss your parent.

My mother was a vitriolic nasty bitch who I had cut out of my life so when she finally died it was a relief to see the rest of my siblings be done with her madness.

My father has had cognizant decline for about ten years now and is pretty much at the point where he is just corpse walking around trying not to shit and piss his pants. Dude has three PHDs, has written well over 20 textbooks and was a college professor for decades. Now he can’t even read a menu. It is tough to watch and it is past time for him to die.

You cry less day after day.

But it takes time, for me it was years.

I lost my mom to cancer when I was 21. She was the only parent I had. She was 47.

To say it messed me up is a world class understatement. And on top of that crushing loss, I had a woman break my heart about 4 months after she died. I was drunk for about 7 years.

But honestly what turned it around for me was, of course, time and surprisingly starting a family of my own.

I’m not recommending alcoholism or having children as a recourse to losing a parent. What I’m saying is time, and living your life, will help.

It sucks, and the pain is horrendous, but hang in there. This too shall pass.

I haven’t had a parent die, but a close friend. As others have said, it sucks, it’s hard, it comes in waves. Gradually the waves fade into ripples that just become part of who you are.

Long term, one of the things that helped me most with grieving is the Mexican concept of the three deaths, which I picked up initially through the Pixar film Coco. The idea is basically that people live on beyond physical death in the memories of others. To me this isn’t all that different to normal memories of living people (that you haven’t seen in a while). Those people still influence the thoughts and emotions and actions of the people who knew them, and in that way they continue to be part of the living world.

Idk, it doesn’t change the fact that they are gone, but it makes it also feel like they are still here in a way that means the love that existed before is still here too.

Having had a parent die, I can tell you that the feeling never goes away, but it does get easier.

What’s the best memory you have of your dad?

I lost my mom back in January. I was luckily already going to a therapist who helped me deal with the initial shock and panic of her no longer being in my daily life. It’s still hard knowing I can’t speak to her about random bullshit daily like I used to. I guess I just have small moments where I talk to her ashes as if she was still here since I knew her well enough to know how she’d react.

My mom died 5 years ago. We used to hang out every day, she was the best person I’ve ever known. I think people mourn in different ways. Some prefer not to think about it. For me, I wanted to remember her more and talk about her, look at photos etc. A quote that stuck with me from that time is something like this: When a loved person dies, they leave a huge hole behind. The hole never gets smaller, but you grow around it. Turned out to be true.

It really is hard mate and I’m glad you’re reaching out. When I need my dad I go to !dadforaminute@lemmy.world and get a pep talk advice or any kind of dad moment. Loads of lemmy dads post there

The best advice might come off dickish since the question is about how to deal with parents death. Do everything you can while they are alive answer their calls listen to their advice and just listen dont argue. Take them on vacations with you take them out to diner often. Learn what they like to eat and cook for them, have an open door policy with them. Invite them often and make them a priority. So when the borrowed time is up you will have no regrets. Hug them like its the last time whenever you see them and most importantly be patient with them as it will come a day when you will not be able to do any of the above and you will trade it all for one more call from them!

Sorry for your loss. I like the analogy of the box and the ball to describe how grief works initially then changes overtime.

First of all take the time to grieve. It’s a big loss and an empty space. It’s OK to be sad even at what people say are the wrong times. It is your loss and your sadness.

Carry your fathers memory with you. That doesn’t mean you have to be sad, but it is ok if you are, no matter how long it has been.

I would recommend when you really miss him, either do something that you know would make him proud of you, or an activity that you may have done together or wanted to do together and then when you’re done, enjoy the memory of his smile knowing he would have had fun doing that with you or he would have enjoyed the fact that he raised you to be able to do whatever it is you accomplished.

No matter what, just remember in the end this is your loss. Process it howyou need to.

So sorry for your loss.