Good! Fuck all of these “Manly men only do manly things” influencers. It couldn’t be farther from the truth (and it won’t help anyone get women either).
My dad ran out on us, but now looking back he was one of those types where “men only do these things”. Instead i grew up with great male role models who were friends of the family, teachers, community leaders, and I looked up to them. (Also have to admit Picard as well). I still had a bit of an incel phase, but I was lucky to grow out of it quick.
I’ve learned one defining truth about masculinity. Real men don’t worry about if they’re manly or not. Real men don’t care about that. Real men can be kind, gentle, thoughtful, and even tear up during a romantic movie. Turns out, women like men who can self-reflect as well. As soon as I dropped that incel crap dating became a whole lot easier, and I felt better about myself.
I appreciate you sharing that. My father certainly wasn’t one of those “man’s men” and certainly had no bias on gender boundaries, mostly because of how pragmatic he was, but also because of behaviors he chose to not emulate from his father.
He also used to beat the shit out of me because his father beat the shit out of him and it’s really hard to break that cycle. I’ve chosen not to have kids because he and I once discussed (after my first legitimate suicide attempt) the fact that he never wanted to be “that” father and he didn’t know what happened. He even opened up how much it scared him the first time he threw me down a short flight of steps into the wall of a hallway in our house.
I have no crystal ball to explore what-ifs for any of us, but I imagine your father walking out on you was the most positive choice he made in his entire life. I appreciate you for the man you’ve become as a result.
Growing up had a lot of careful navigation between “what are you smiling about” and “I’ll give you something to cry about” and a ton of unhealthy emotional suppression to boot. It takes so much effort to escape those trajectories.
I’m proud of both of you and really hope you feel that way about yourselves.
Hey thanks, I appreciate that, and it sounds like you are too. I can’t understand those demons, but I wish you the best of luck in finding them. Funny enough, I’m choosing not to have kids took, but for other reasons.
Beat the generational cycle, however you see fit. The problems of our fathers don’t need to continue
The problems of our fathers don’t need to continue
I want this quote plastered fucking everywhere
The author seems so surprised to find out that there are male influences who aren’t criminals.
I agree with Mother’s Basement’s assessment, Aoi Todo is the icon we all ought to aspire to
Applause is an acclamation of the soul!
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Influencers such as Andrew Tate have become bylines for “toxic masculinity”, attracting huge audiences of young men and boys with a mixture of quasi-motivational pep talks, fast cars and demonstrations of sexual prowess.
Fitness influencers such as Joe Wicks, whose career was kickstarted by his Instagram posts as The Body Coach, may not enthral teen boys with salacious content, but simple advice delivered with a friendly – almost relentlessly cheerful – demeanour can still garner millions of followers.
Perhaps the biggest signifier of a more positive approach to masculinity is the charity stunt, exemplified by Russ Cook, known to many as Instagram’s hardest geezer, whose year-long attempt to run the length of Africa toe to tip should, if everything goes to plan, finish in April.
But there is an asymmetry in some discussion around toxic influencers, notes Saul Parker, the founder of The Good Side, which works with charities and brands to help them achieve positive goals.
That is important, because focusing on the misogyny, rather than the broader messages of traditional masculine norms that the “manosphere” thrives on, risks letting a second generation of post-Tate toxic influencers slink by under the radar.
Parker says: “David Goggins is the kind of guy we’re facing right now: he’s an ex-Navy Seal, massive on all the social platforms, but he and all his content are about ‘self-discipline’, ‘self-motivation’, ‘get up in the morning’, ‘get to the gym’, ‘have a cold shower’, like, you know, ‘be a man’, but he doesn’t talk about women at all, or sex at all.
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