I like to imagine that A. Meateater composed this sentence after he went to China and witnessed his first vegetable

UK’s books are in the black again because they ran out of red ink

Wow they can’t even afford to keep the palace warm

It is one of a few fig trees I planted with my family about 10 years ago. I live in Germany so this has just recently become possible as a rare climate change W

Like charges repel

I’d not even buy this for 3 actual figs, and I have a fig tree

There are also kappa males who require constant moisture applied to their foreheads and steal people’s buttplugs

It’s a plush toy that can be turned inside out, which Greta Thunberg famously had in the background of a picture of herself and her friends in support of Palestine. According to liberals on Twitter, it vaguely resembled an octopus from some antisemitic caricature; which (1) was only true in the way that the Big Dipper resembles an actual dipper and (2) if you make this kind of association unprompted it says more about you than about Ms Thunberg or Palestine

I love it when the people calling us insane and cowardly for not wanting ethnic cleansing in Gaza suddenly come forward with their phobia of Free Parking signs, jellyfish plushies, watermelons, and triangles

Ain’t no way a Hoxhaist is reading the French Press

You gotta do a 180 before you can do a 360

Little did the Reaper know he just removed a loadbearing element of the machine

Zelensky on the Time cover is the perfect illustration of what having a bad migraine feels like

Sadly, despite all Republican insistence to the contrary, China will not be able to build a chip that fits into Biden’s brain for another five years

I never go on dates; not only are the fruit rendered completely inedible in the process, but your soles would remain sticky for at least a week. I can extract little meaning from this outlandish arrangement and am completely in the dark as to why people would get such bewildering ideas

Look I understand it’s easy to say this as a housed person, but you should really try to find a place to stay other than the abandoned chemical plant

Diane Feinstein is worth 87 million dollars

Even if I had this kind of money, I would consider such a trade extremely dubious and probably losing as well, since the utility of this commodity is quickly depreciating

“ProZorro”? As in the literary hero whose signature move is the letter “Z”?

Imagine if they did this with plane tickets wtf

Oh wait they do