Krem [he/him, they/them]

you can get a new jili/geely for around 130K rmb

country where everything was designed to be a scam from the ground up vs. country where society was improved “somewhat”

i haven’t used 小红书 in a few years but i can imagine the average user being really tired of this sudden invasion of USians. imagine trying to use your normal social media app that you use for normal shit and suddenly it’s full of clueless anglos posting bullshit in their bullshit language and refusing to use your language, and a normal post about normal shit suddenly has 25 comments like “huh what’s this lol” “i don’t speak thingumajig, speak american lol” “haha your chinese dances are funny lol” “wooow i wanna eat chinese noodles, i love pad thai”

i get that exposing anglos to normal shit outside of iowa is enriching and good for the low percentage of people that are actually curious and willing to learn but damn, can’t imagine being a normal user on the normal app right now

i guess it’ll blow over very soon

Guizhou food is another level. heavenly ferments. stinky tofu with stinks you have never smelt before. fermented hot sauce. sour soup (not black vinegar sour soup like in the north, fermented sour). deep fried tofu balls. rice noodle rolls. rice tofu (a kind of liangfen). a ton of coriander on everything (nice). a ton of zheergen on everything (wtf). laoguo. rice wine. 10/10 up there with sichuan and yunnan food for weird hot funky shit

and heckin wholesome ones, good sir. seems like t’is I that won the internet today!

r/theydidthecalculation

r/theydidthemonstercalculation

Charlton Heston as Suleiman I

Peter Lorre as Akbar, emperor of the Mughal Empire

Vincent Price as Barbarossa the pirate

the desert outside LA stands in for the green mountains of the balkans, the indian ocean, and north africa. everyone involved in the production died of cancer within five years because there was a massive toxic waste disposal area next door to the studio

this is awesome. so perfectly, deliciously incoherent, unenforceable, vile, stupid and nonsensical you can just feel the angry seething

socks without shoes is weird and traps in foot sweat. shoes indoors is gross. barefoot or slippers (the open toe kind, not the fluffy kind) is the only way

“for the last time Patricia, it’s called a MAN cave, not a goon cave, and the only thing i’ve been cranking is the level on my Sturmpanzergezetzbetriebungwagen. up. cranking the levels up. what? I already did the dishes last week. take a shower? no, I don’t think i smell like ball sweat and coffee breath. it’s only your parents Patricia, we see them every couple of months. Mackayden can vacuum the living room, can’t you, buddy?”

middle aged dude with rich people schedule and diet, and marinated in a bathtub of moisturizer

Day 1: I’m a young witch in a small village in the fantasy alps trying to find her lost kitty!

Day 2: (As i’m waking up and stepping outside, cute art style breaking down before my eyes, slowly turning into DE-style) wait I’m a middle aged unemployed tarot-obsessed woman in a small decaying town. My kitty went missing 20 years ago. I’m actually trying to find my missing child? Niece?

Day 3: (After failing an impossible skill check in the middle of a seemingly normal conversation) wait, i’m a young witch? middle aged woman? both? wait you, the person i’m having a conversatoin with, is the cat?

Day 4: I had a dream that the two versions are actually both equally fake, Philip Dick, style, and i’m living in a dystopian future where engaging with simulated possible parallel versions of myself and the happiness/pain of living in a world with trees and breathable air is the only meaningful job in this world. also cats have been uplifted to human intelligence level and can talk

Days 5-6: is it or isn’t it?

Day 7: Haha just kidding i was just a witch the whole time, the evil wizard made me imagine weird stuff haha, and i found my kitty, yayyy (bad ending)

哈哈哈 i watched the campy batman show religiously in my teens (not actually in the 60s, it was a re-run. probably)

Is that the Riddler?

planet zoo has the same base themes with an added coating of 80s/90s “world” music, it’s so tacky and cute, love it

when you’re an indigenous north african hairdresser and you’ll come back soon

we will have an inverse to this map

so charly mane was just sitting on his throne all day with no crown? and the pope just like patted him on the head and said “there you go. you’re the emperor”?

they call it “anal” sex, but it’s so free-form. i expected it to be excessively organized and obsessive!

it’s fine but if you rely on it to make bland food taste OK, instead of making the other ingredients/seasoning shine, it just makes everything taste like MSG. by itself it just tastes like “flavour” without anything behind it. SOOO i guess in this metaphor, graphics that only have “instant attraction” without any thought or concept behind it just has too much AIMSG (adobe instant messenger)