The sun blinks shut like an eye.

Under the gaze of this profane eclipse, it will fall to me to journey to Scotland, find Gladys, and defeat her before her dread power can reassert itself.

An elderly Scottish woman named Gladys.

Long ago, when Gladys was young and reckless, she stumbled upon the book within which all fate is written. Skimming through the pages, she came upon the moment of her death and in a fit of rage and fear tore it free from the book. Hence forth she cannot die until the conditions of the page are complete. The last remaining of which is that I log off from Hexbear.

Fearing her coming demise, she has cursed me that should she die then so shall I and thus we are locked within this eternal cosmic struggle. Neither of us allowed to meet our final fate until the button is pressed.

Scorpio.

Jesus fuck, am I glad I don’t believe in astrology 'cos I got a real bad one on that list.

deregulation machine go brrr.

You aren’t English are you?

Just for this, the Senedd’s gonna drop the English from all the roadsigns.

The camshafts help distribute the weight of the draw allowing you to hold it longer with less strain on the arms.

Really like crossbows but I’ve never really been strong enough to draw one without doing it gastraphetes style.

Historically shortbows were the bow of choice of people in my country and there’s still yew trees all over where I live as a lasting impact of that.

Didn’t US arm shipments sent to Ukraine already make it to neo-nazi groups all over Europe thanks to Azov?

I vaguely recall there being something about that when that Reichsbürger lot got caught planning to overthrow the German government.

Edit: disregard this, I can’t find any solid evidence they were.

I remember watching it once or twice as a child, but I didn’t, like, play it on a loop like eight legged freaks.

There’s this shitty horror movie about giant spiders called “eight legged freaks”, when I was a little one spiders were my special interest so my parents plonked me down in front of it one stormy day and I just kept rewatching it.

Also early Red Dwarf (I’ve an embarrassing memory from my childhood of watching Polymorph getting to the bit where Rimmer complains about the name he’s created for the protest group “on the other hand the abbreviation is CLITORIS”, completely missing the joke, and assuming that clitoris meant cluttered and awkward and using it that way at school the next day).

And for some reason, the film remakes of the Dr Who serials “Dr Who and the Daleks” and “Daleks’ invasion of Earth 2150 AD”.

who the hell are these people because my ancestors want to have a word with them.

My ancestors this, my ancestors that, I piss on your ancestors. Like as if, we supposed to honour people now just because they’re dead. Like as if, this woman has a direct line of communication with her dead nazi grandad or whatever. “Oh my ancestors woulda felt bad about this.” Don’t care, doubtless to say they’d also boil their piss about gay marriage or desegregated schools as well.

You gotta have both

The Ghostbusters theme

And

Bustin

Shuffle the playlist and when the song comes up see how long it takes for you to notice which one it is.

Edit: what’d I do to piss off skynet? It keeps sending robots to my front door to yell at me about YouTube frontends.

There is a surprisingly alright Dr Who spinoff series called “Class” where the central big bad is a genocidal army of shadow people that just, like, step outta a person’s shadow and shank 'em.

If Class is anything to go by, we simply need to find a teenage girl with sufficient anger issues to fight these aliens’ leader in an arena kinda like a Dark Souls boss to fix this.

Cis is just the opposite of trans. If some people are trans then it follows others are cis.

20 years ago you’d be pissing and whining about the use of heterosexual.

He always makes the run to the moss seller in Undead Burg sewers first thing outta the asylum.

Ice storm does everything fireball can but also makes the impact site difficult terrain.

Some tiny Hamas fighters paraglided onto the side of his head and he tried to whack 'em with a fly swatter, but they kept moving and dodging the swatter 'till he bludgeoned himself to death.

Spotted the tankie!

I had to do something similar as part of my biomed BSc back in 2023, so I can confirm it is still happening.