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I would think of Incus and Proxmox as equivalent - both can run containers and VMs. I like the idea of 3 incus servers each with a VM in Docker Swarm mode for running your docker services. Then if you have additional services that aren’t a good fit for docker, you can spin them up as separate containers or VMs in incus as needed
I’m self-hosting Obsidian as described below and it works really well. The syncing happens automatically in the background and I rarely encounter conflicts. I’d highly recommend it! https://avidandrew.com/elevate-your-note-taking-with-obsidian.html