i am disabled just enough to be in a dilemma.

interpersonal trauma, audhd burnout and immunodefficiency don’t mean i can’t do anything or that i can’t even be as ‘productive’ *over time* as other people. what it means is that:

• i can’t give them ass-in-chair for 8 hours every day;
• my shortterm ‘performance’ cannot be consistent or predictable enough for the boss;
• i can never succeed at the day-to-day drudgework; and
• i can never be a ‘culture fit’ in any workplace.

it’s not that i can’t do anything; it’s that i lack the appearances of profitability.

despite huge past professional successes in complex projects: i am unemployable.

so instead i work a fulltime job with overtime researching my condition, my rights and the local law — filling out paperwork and attending a dozen appointments every month where i answer the same 20 humiliating and condescending questions over and over again, too exhausted to care for myself inbetween — just to keep the disability compensation flowing in. and in every meeting, my ‘giftedness’ and all those times where i was successful are used to clobber me and argue that i’m just being ‘lazy’. i’m never given any treatment, because the healthcare system has been balkanized into poverty by privatisation and New Public Management, and they’ve tried nothing and they’re all out of ideas.

i find time once or twice a month to study, on my own, with pirated courses and books. and the opensource projects i contribute to, and the organising work i scrape up spoons for, and the mutual aid and legal help i give to my disabled comrades, are things i still do. but i have to do them under aliases, and i can’t ever discuss them with anyone who knows me, because if the welfare office finds out: i can end up imprisoned, indebted and permanently marked for ‘welfare fraud’. because part of the deal of being disabled is that i can only be disabled.

no studies; no parttime; no volunteering; no activism. all because of the way i was born, and because i had the audacity to barely survive two separate attempts by politicians to sacrifice my demographics to Moloch. i know several other people in this same Kafkaësque hellworld.

how am i not supposed to end up radicalised?

there’s a bot that will do this for you over on lemmy.world. i think you’d like it better over there.

:3c

And it probably would have been better for my mental health growing up if I hadn’t thought “wow if all these adults believe this thing then it must be true and I must just be an idiot” […] Basically the entirety of your hometown, and most of your family members are just delusional. You’re not wrong and they don’t just not believe you because you’re a kid, they just don’t believe in evidence, and there’s no evidence one can use to convince people who don’t believe in evidence.

for me, the thought was: ‘wow, these are the people who get to have power over me? and they use that power to actively limit my potential and freedom of association? these are the people who keep clawing me away from independence, because they think they know better what’s good for me?’

it made ageist remarks — particularly the sexist ones — go from irritating to infuriating. disappointment, anger and deep depression, that these people are allowed to have any responsibility at all.

when you have an AuDHD student who skips lunch every day to read and work in the library, and all the teachers are conspiracy-thinking fundamentalist yokels who: haven’t studied anything in over two decades; only became teachers so they could have power over children; regurgitate superstitions, fakelore and urban legends; and have no concept of information/media literacy — then it’s very possible to be smarter than your teachers and get regularly put in detention for pointing it out.

their diplomas would’ve been better used as toiletpaper.

a workplace problem that has persistently followed me thru my entire life: at school, at home, and at every job i’ve had, across multiple continents.

i have a ‘non-native’ name which isn’t hard to pronounce but which my coworkers refused to learn, so they started calling me something akin to ‘Jane Doe’ in $language.

when they were told by HR they can’t do that: they took to the funny ‘joke’ of calling me “the bot” and sometimes referring to me as ‘it’. ‘hey, where’s the documentation on this system?’ ‘idk, ask the bot’ my manager even got on my case about how i shouldn’t ‘use ChatGPT to respond to work messages’ — because i wasn’t using ‘enough emoji’.

but i’m the immature one for thinking all the NTs i’ve had in my life are insufferable. ok.

this is the type of comment i want to leave any time someone praises a scandinavian country for almost anything.

the image of the nordics most people outside of them have is from 40 years ago.

support a “right to work” instead of UBI. Work is great and it’s more than making money, you achieve self-determination through work etc etc.

this is common in most of western/northern europe, to the point that most social services for citizens or ‘integration’ support for immigrants ends at employment. the assumption being that any employment is all anyone really needs.

you’ve been fired from your last three jobs because of your worsening depressive spirals? but it didn’t stop you from getting that temp job last week! do some yoga or something smh.

you’re a migrant who doesn’t know the local language? well, it didn’t stop you from getting a job! take a night class or something smh.

you want to switch careers or further your education? but you’re already in a career; clearly your education is fine! attend a conference or something smh.

you have no friends or family and no freetime to develop your hobbies and interests? but you have a job! get drunk with your coworkers on Fridays or something smh.

workwork. okiedokie. zugzug.

i believe they’re @ing you because they’re posting from Mastadon.

not the GP, but i did voice frustrations that were probably uncalled for.

i resonated with the image after this specific comment:

[…] assuming that all people are not going to be petty and antagonistic is even more utopian that post-scarcity.

this brought to mind thousands of conversations i’ve had before which would have effectively ended there — with the words ‘utopian’, ‘idealist’ or ‘unrealistic’.

OP got some good answers which they seem satisfied with. this was all a reaction to the state of the discussion at the time.

I get that anarchists probably get tired of answering questions, but it also seems like an important part of getting people who aren’t already 100% onboard to better understand anarchy?

i think this works best thru sharing anarchistic (not specifically anarchist) books (to add perspective), and praxis (to experience/internalise anarchist organising principles).

hypotheticals can be amusing among likeminds, but it’s usually just deconstructive otherwise.

in most places i’ve lived, my physical neighbours did not want to be known, and did not want to know anyone else, either. granted, most of them really only used their apartments/houses as a very expensive sleeping place and nothing more. they didn’t really live in their houses; it was just where they usually slept between working.

even when the neighbours were friendly, there were no common spaces and the housing too small to accommodate get-togethers, and no third places to go to. and the friendly neighbours were always apart of the conspicuously racist pensioner cabal.

my two favourite types of questions from nonanarchists:

• ‘how would anarchism handle [insert consequence of capitalist conditioning]’
• ‘how would anarchism work in [insert description of a group of capitalists]’

you can’t reject the premise of the question, because their eyes gloss over and they call you an idealist.

All the time spent thinking how to solve a problem is also work.

try telling that to every manager i’ve ever had.

tell you that violence is a terrible thing that can never be excused or condoned.

aha! but they say violence has no place in the so-called United States (if you ignore wage slavery, prison labour, the police, and the entire capitalist system). violence overseas always serves their interests, until it doesn’t.

checkmate tankie /s

i think it would be more symbolic to extend the rainbow peace flag over it.

growing up, the most common ‘counterargument’ (read: dismission) to ‘global warming’ i heard was ‘great, i love summer!’

i had to become a singer before i had the lung capacity to sigh hard enough.

I’m not disagreeing, but it seems to me I’ve known of white supremacist groups that do want other races to exist, but as subjugated classes.

not OP, but at least in Europe the raceless racist trope is more common, particularly among liberals. in one breath they’ll say that the concept of race is pseudoscience (true), but then conclude that this means racialisation doesn’t happen (uhhh). then in that same breath they’ll say that people from Muslim countries are destructive radicals who are ‘incompatible’ with European culture, which is almost neo-racist, until you realise that they don’t know what a ‘Muslim’ ‘looks’ like, and that in practise it’s ‘anyone with dark hair and/or a von Luschan index higher than 20’.

it’s not that they want to subjugate brown people: it’s that they wish they had never existed, and that they could never see them again. but the people they vote for to accomplish this do want to subjugate brown people.

before you know it: the group of ‘incompatibles’ has grown to encompass 2/3 of the world’s population by hair colour and skin index alone, and antisemitism is back on the table. but they believe in nonviolent democracy and the ‘rule of law’ and eat organic so it’s ok.

sidenote: this is why a lot of far-right supremacist groups in Europe tend(ed) to be more about (national) ethnicity than race. historically, even people from neighbouring countries were parasitic ‘others’ to be corralled and expelled.

Did you look for a nest or another bird in the original shrub?

i didn’t see anything in the bush at first glance. i tried to see if it was leading me somewhere, but it didn’t seem like it. i didn’t want to stress them out by approaching them too quickly or digging thru the bush.

they did seem very small, so it’s possible they don’t know how to feed themself. it’s not too far, so i can try checking on them sometime soon. i don’t want to invade their home, tho.

my guess is it was trying to get you to help one of its friends or something.

that was my first guess, but it didn’t seem like it was leading me anywhere.

i’m a little worried now.

I’d have had a good search around the area befriending crows can actually bring you some benifit like shiny gifts

when i was homeless, i shared my food with a crow. i got them to bring me coins by feeding them double portions when they brought monies.

or in some cases crow bodyguards as they actually recognise individuals as friends etc.

that’s my current relationship to the corvids in town. a long time ago i rescued a magpie from two seagulls, and since then all the corvids no longer fly away when i come near them. the magpies even defended me from a seagull one day!

but they otherwise don’t approach me, and we don’t ‘communicate’.