ped_xing [he/him]

They were display cases, glass cupboards with two sliding doors with a lock on the bottom. It was a consignment shop, so to satisfy everyone selling there who thought their their antiques were so unique and special that batman villains would try to finesse them, all the cases were locked at all times with a key only entrusted to a kid who wanted a job within biking distance. There were a lot of cases because there were a lot of antiques because the town was a hotbed of antiques. Like if I looked up the top antiques towns in the US, it would be yeah, still first page.

I’d be surprised if this is still this easy, but I got my first job opening up cases at the antiques store with no relevant experience. It was perfect – I’d grab a clipboard and pretend to be taking inventory while just doodling and somebody would occasionally need a case opened. Was it one key for all of them? I can’t remember having to think about or fetch the keys, so it really may have been one key for all the cases. Open, let the person inspect, close up and walk them to the counter and wrap it up if they’re buying. The customers weren’t perfect, but you’re not going to get a twitchy-eyed chud breathing down your neck to hand them their order so they can peel out of the parking lot. My whole time I was there we had one incident and the guy ran off before the owner could call 911.

It will always be this to me:

And will never not make me smile.

The microphone placement is a little wonky as it is on the left side to the screen (why?).

That’s why my friends have been telling me to throw away my new phone because they can’t hear me‽ I’ve been essentially muting myself with my stupid thumb covering that stupid hole? Thank you so much; I was going to put the sim back in my previous phone.

I’ve been carrying that around on its own tab on my phone’s browser for months.

I really don’t want video but does really have a whole routine and doesn’t just jump once or twice for le epic X shot?

You could have a system of locks like the Panama Canal to create a perpetual lazy river that forms a knot for $3 billion.

They have blacking out on the internet now?

Fries are exciting to me. I think almost everybody’s flipped something to get it cooked on both sides, but an actual restaurant-grade fryer could cost me forearm skin if I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t.

That sliver of never-Trumpers would do it at this point and Trumpers will show up just to fill in the bubble next to his name one last time. Democrats blame Kamala’s dad and purge everyone with based relatives. in shambles.

What if it’s not a human brain that’s dreaming?

Could you put up your house so that if the hurricane wins, the rubble is somebody else’s problem?

If I ordered a club sandwich and didn’t get a double decker, I’d infer that my application had been declined.

Have you read https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_the_far_future? I showed it to somebody who left religion decades earlier and could see what a gut punch it still was. I think he had basically substituted indefinite space exploration for heaven and finding out that even that’s not an option was like losing faith a second time.

The best breakfast potatoes start off as baked potatoes. Bake 'em, wait up to overnight, chop them up and prepare with the onions and spices and what-have-you. If you still want to have them baked-style, go nuts.

The dogs vs. fent-sniffing-machines part of the 2024 debate will be machine guns vs. drones in 2028.

Fingerling potatoes

Asparagus

Habs

I eat 95% of the garbage the six companies that control the center aisles of supermarkets put out and . . . that shit can stay on the shelf. I have a line.

At what cost?