Small things. Sounds. The temperature of the air. The fact that my side isn’t hurting right now. The kids costumes who were just trick or treating at my house.
I really love seeing a well curated list, and that’s a well curated list.
if only our lives were the only thing we focused on
I was just about to write “by lowering the bar”, but I like your version more.
still on the topic of small things that bring happiness: coffee in the morning, listening the air on the trees, the birds, nature in general, food (good food, not processed, made by you) good friends, good talks, walks.
Happiness is fleeting, like other emotions, it comes and goes. Focusing on it is like chasing a wave.
Understanding your own values and what you find meaningful is essential for moving through life, because we’re not in control. Stuff happens, and we get to deal with it.
I found happiness. I am almost done with it. You want it after me?
Why are you done with it?
Because it’s my turn next, and they’ve been hogging it all night!
Hey, that guy is hogging all the happiness! Get him!
You don’t find happiness. It comes and goes. Imagine being happy all the time; it would just become normal. You need non happy times to appreciate the happy times.
As someone that is either very happy or very sad, I find happiness in my hobbies. I need my mind to be occupied to pass the time, but then there is the thought I’m just waiting to die and passing time.
Hobbies that make me happy are:
- Indoor bouldering (rock climbing) is the only thing I’ve found that lets me escape the constant train of thought and be in the moment. It’s a nerdy hobby as lots of problem solving mixed with strength training.
- Running
- Rubiks cube
- Lego
- Cross stitch
- Paint by numbers
- 3D printing
- learning
- many more but this is getting long.
As someone who is down a lot of the time and has ADHD but stopped the meds as the side affects were worse than living with ADHD; I’ve found that routine is a massive thing required to be content with life. Consistent bed time and wake time. I am not a morning person but after 18 months of waking at 07:30 or 06:00, depending on if I’m taking the train to work, that I now wake up a few minutes before my alarm quite often; I’m still tired and I hate it but it gets easier.
Spending time with other people is key too. I find if I’m down it’s usually cause I’ve been alone a lot (which I love) and that can be bad for me so I’ll go see friends even if I don’t want to just to engage.
Luckily I can spot when I’m spiralling. I have an urge to fire up Minecraft and live vicariously through Steve and shut out the world.
Eating people. Eating family and friends, eating vagrants, eating the needy. Some people can even taste the camaraderie of the people they work with.
It comes down to eating people and if you have trouble just eat people. You know what they say hungry people eat people.
WTF?
Gratitude and helping others
No
Anarchy and helping others
All three
I find happiness getting lost in projects, projects being anything & everything from writing to designing to stuff around the house to whatever. Just something that gets me obsessed for at least a few days or weeks. I can’t predict when it will happen, it just has to be a sufficient problem for me to look at.
I also find happiness with some people, but that sort of happiness is unpredictable as well since people have their own lives going on and feelings can change over time. Getting too close to people though can just as easily make my life feel meaningless and make me depressed when things turn sour. I tend to crave affection and physical touch, so this is a hard one for me to just ignore this.
I find happiness getting lost in projects
I relate to this on a visceral level
by not trying to compare themselves to anyone else
Hobbies, spending time wirh friends and families, eating, murdering vagrants, helping the needy, and some people even enjoy comraderie with people they work with.
It comes down to figuring out what makes you happy and if you have trouble you just need to try new things.
Would you not put murdering vagrants under hobbies?
A few years ago, my wife and I left the Mormon church. That helped a lot. Along that line coffee makes me happy.
Coffee would have made me an apostate too. Damn, I love coffee. Live and drink, friend.
Kind of surprised no one has mentioned it… But kids. Kids bring a lot of happiness.
It depends.
For a lot of adults, I would agree that they are a bright point in their lives. But it isn’t universal.
Yep, just like how every single other answer in this thread isn’t universal.
Yep, they’re stressful too – but it’s usually the good kind of stress (exhaustion) and not the bad one (uncertainty). Although that pivots once they hit their teens.
Ehh, they have knock-on uncertainties. Especially if you are financially hurting.
They bring happiness, and a lot of other things too.
Kids can also completely ruin marriages. I know multiple people who have straight up told me “my marriage used to be great and then having kids ruined it.” Of course kids can also bring tons of happiness! But it’s not universal.
I guess that’s one perspective. Another one might be that their marriage wasn’t as great as they thought it was in the first place.
Kids are stressful, no argument there. But blaming kids because their marriage buckled under the added stress just feels like an easy excuse. I suspect there were deeper issues that those people weren’t particularly interested in exploring.
Yea that’s definitely possible. I completely agree. But some people just have like a stress cap, ya know? It can put you over. There are definitely multiple reasons why it could happen.
Basically everyone I’ve talked to in my age range that has kids basically has Stockholm syndrome, but I guess there are also enough people that do intrinsically enjoy having kids.
Game the system by having an unhappy childhood so being an adult is so much better? I enjoy being a grownup so much. What are you unhappy with? Were you happy as a kid and if so, what made you happy? I didn’t like school, felt alienated and in general kids have no control over their own lives. So adulthood suits me much better.
You nailed it for some of us. What do you do with a guy who went balls to the wall well into his 30s to make up for it?
I’ve felt happiness a few times. I’m thinking it’s time to fight for it.
I do think some (maybe most) of it is luck/brain chemistry, I feel happy a lot as I get older. Part is just that deep appreciation I feel when I wake up and realize that instead of school I will go to a job that pays me. Having kids was stressful but absolutely did increase my enjoyment in life, my desire to live, if that makes sense. More good than bad by a large margin.
Good news is if you are 40-50 you are getting to that age too - news articles say it’s like we sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor but I think bullshit because I can’t slow down yet and still feel it, it has to be changing brain chemistry and perspective - happiness comes easier now and also fewer things irritate me, youth is an irritable time.
And I guess finally, I really do think luck plays a big part - not in outward circumstances (though obviously luck is very important there too, circumstances don’t guarantee happiness) more in the ability to feel certain things. So my actual advice is to adjust perspective if you can, be grateful for the things you can, get physically active to the extent you can and take time to do pleasurable things because even if you are not wired to feel that rush of “happy” you may still be able to feel content and thankful and good.
Happiness is not found. It’s not an object, rather a state of perception. The more you’ll objectify and discretize happiness, the less likely you’re to achieve it.
That being said, usually drugs.
On a serious note, two books helped me to understand this mystery a bit more
- Zen Mind, beginner’s mind by S. Suzuki
- Flow: the psychology of optimal experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
I think your comment is the key. Many others tell what to do, but yours addresses the core in that you won’t be happy unless you decide or allow yourself to be happy (perception).
I used to mock those people who would say things like “smile in the mirror and tell yourself that it’s going to be a great day”. Later in life, I figured out that that’s what they needed to do, so good for them. For me, it’s something else. I need to be around nature to ground my feelings. Other times, it’s physical cardiac exertion, like a bike ride.
Medication can help if there’s a real medical problem, like depression. Self medicating can be dangerous.
Saved the recommendations, thanks !
Ah, another non mainstream source of inspirational knowledge is the Blindboy Boatclub podcast. Over years he produced a lot of episodes on the subjects of mental health and experiences delivered in a very democratic, relatable way. Mixed with crazy hot takes, like how Ney York disco was the original punk for/by LGBT community, seasoned with a thickest Limerick accent and storytelling. Delicious.
By finding not happiness, but contentment. As you get older, you learn that to be happy, you have to be content.
knowlege avails many things, but not happiness…
That’s the neat part,
