CHAPTER 1

THE BEGINNING

od made adam and eve same kind different font Gind od in the image and likeness of his own pfp

and said what is up my mammals go forth and vibe in this minecraft paradise i seeded

you may take any w, except from the tree of w’s and i’s for then you will have w’s, but also L’s

while fam was living their best life the op of opps woke up and chose violence

he slid into eves dms with that sneaky rizz and eve let him cook, though he had not the ingredients

he said why wont the TOP G let you take any w’s she said nah thats not lore accurate

but the snake said babygirl he’s gatekeeping all them dubs me personally i would not let that slide

POV: you realize you have free will 👁️👄👁️

so she chose to secure a bag of w’s and L’s

and she ate and left crumbs and gave them to adam he saw his crush watching and said bet (with rizz)

when they took the L it altered their brain chemistry and suddenly they had the ick

but DIVINE G caught them in 4K and said bruh they really took the L and thought we wouldnt notice

dw fam i got you, we’ll come in clutch the woman will have a chile who will solo the op of opps and say UNO REVERSE

thus began the divine dad lore

  • outer_spec@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    58·
    10 months ago

    be me

    create a universe bc bored

    make up a guy to live in it, call it “adam”

    adam looks a bit lonely, decide to give it friends

    make up a whole bunch of different guys, call them “animals”

    adam doesn’t hang out with any of them???

    wtf.jpg

    break off one of adam’s ribs

    make it into a new guy, call it “eve”

    they immediately start fucking each other

    myjobhereisdone.jpg

    before i go i tell them not to eat the fruit that makes you smart

    the next day i see adam and eve with animal parts draped over them???

    ask them “what the fuck is that” they say “clothes”

    ???

    they say they put the animal parts on themselves to not be naked

    how the fuck do they know what being naked is. they were supposed to be dumb as fuck when i made them

    obviously they ate the fruit that makes them smart

    tell them to gtfo

    What the fuck anons??? The guys I made literally did the opposite of what I told them to do

    • Uriel238 [all pronouns]@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      14·
      10 months ago

      It’s because you invoked the story trope of the great proscription. Whether its Bluebeard or The Goon Fairy or the Wyrd Sisters or King Oberon Himself, if he says to the hero don’t mess with the forbidden room, you know he’s going to pick the lock by page ten.

      Zeus tells Prometheus not to give man fire because they’re clever and will turn fire into big science. But the clay men are cold in winter, so Prometheus gives them fire.

      And the Olympians engineer Pandora, sleek and curvy, but give her curiosity and a jar full of evil shit. Don’t open the jar, they say, knowing full well how long that seal will last.

      If God wants us to not open the vault of doom, He puts it at the bottom of the sea, or on Diamos, the moon of Mars. He forces us to work for it. He doesn’t stack a verboten tree with yummy fruit next to us when were feeling peckish.