Does anyone else feel a degree of imposter syndrome with work, like it’s only matter of time until you can’t work around your ADHD enough to avoid problems and everything falls apart?

I’m currently provisionally diagnosed with ADHD, pending further testing. I managed to get a degree and was working for a few years when someone recommended I get tested where I proceeded to finally pass this one test with flying colors…

My experience with work is that in the beginning, my attitude and enthusiasm to learn tends to give my bosses the impression that I have so much potential.

Then, cue the slow car crash that is me failing to meet that potential, then the cracks starting to show due to disorganisstion or task paralysis in my work, eventually putting me in a position where my competency is questioned and I’m falling behind on work because I’m struggling to meet (imo) great expectations that might seem realistic to neurotypical people, but is a struggle for me.

Then I jump ship to a new job, and the cycle restarts.

I thought I had a handle on my latest job. Stayed for just over a year. I thought this was it, I wasn’t an imposter, I was finally fitting in. Then cracks, and everything fell apart and I’m now at risk of losing my job again. I tried my best, and I just feel disappointed in myself, like even I can’t trust myself to do things right even at max effort.

This sucks.

  • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1·
    9 months ago

    I could have written this. It sums up my work experience exactly.

    You recognize your flaws and mistakes, but here’s a likely one you’re forgetting. We tend to take mistakes VERY seriously. At least for me, I could watch 10 people make major mistakes, and be very understanding. I’d be like, that’s ok, it happens. We can work around it. But if I forget a minor detail, I’m going to be beating myself up for the few days, and worry how much longer until I get fired.

    Just yesterday I found out that I had opened an email, got distracted and never replied or took action and it caused a problem for another dept. Ruined my night, but I’m going to remember this post and go in to work today and not let that hang over my head.

    Best wishes to you!

    • Leilys@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
      1·
      9 months ago

      This exact thing has bitten me so many times!!

      I’ll open an email, maybe not pick up on the need to action (especially if multiple people are required to action on things), and then my boss gets to hear about my lack of follow up.

      I’ve tried to keep a list, like I’m working on individual work tickets which has helped, but even then I still miss a couple of items.

  • Azzu@lemm.eeEnglish
    1·
    9 months ago

    Kind of the same, but at this point I just utterly reject the notion of everyone having to function as a perfect cogwheel in the system. I have no trouble with my “underperforming” at all, even though it’s likely still happening.

    Let them fire me if they want. I’ll likely find a new job, and if I don’t, at least in my country there are social safety nets. I’m just so over it.

    I really feel for people that aren’t safe from starvation or similar, I’m glad I’m so privileged.

  • orca@orcas.enjoying.yachtsEnglish
    1·
    9 months ago

    I’ve been a dev professionally since around 2005 and started writing my first bits of code around 2001. Was diagnosed in the 90s with ADHD. Took meds for a little while as a kid, but nothing worked for me, so I went unmedicated until about a year ago.

    I deal with the same thing as you, even now in my 40s. Got laid off for 3 months and that absolutely wrecked what remaining confidence I had left. Finally landed something but haven’t felt the same since, and that’s on top of already struggling daily to not feel like a useless idiot.

    To make matters worse, I was recently told that I need to “iterate faster”. Small things like that will take weeks of feeling good about progress, and throw it straight into the trash. When you get no real wins, everything feels like one big endless loss.

    If you can at least get a non-stimulant, that has worked for me. My focus has gotten better and helps me temporarily silence the demons. Also, what you note about starting strong and enthusiastic, only to end up bored and wrecking it all… that’s very much an ADHD thing. With the way our brains are wired, interest in what we’re doing is a requirement. If that’s lacking, our ability to follow through and stay consistent goes out the window no matter how hard we try. I’ve been waffling on my career for a few years now because of it. Swaying between finding shreds of it interesting, but also entertaining the idea of leaving dev altogether.

    Good luck! All I can recommend is try to get meds and take them consistently; go to the gym and focus on outside interests; try not to make work the center of your world.