Feelings I had for my classmate were obviously one-sided (pretty sure of it), so I made a reasonable decision to never confess to not make things awkward. In a few years since we graduated I finally moved on, although I never loved anyone this much since.
Yet all this time I had a desire to tell her about them. I would definitely want to know if someone loved me this much ever. Would she? I don’t know. I don’t even know if she is in a relationship right now or not.
I would really want to cite some scientific study that “Over 80% of girls have their self-confidence lifted after being told they were secretly admired (p<0.05)”, but can’t find one.
IMO a big, post-internet, problem is that people aren’t experiencing foundational relationships as children/teens that were the learning experiences to prepare people deeper connections like marriage. People are growing up without learning the ability to trust or discern trustworthiness; and many other things that we can only learn through experience.
As per Maslow’s Pyramid, everyone is overworked and suck in bottom tier survival mode rendering them psychologically incapable of prioritizing emotional and relationship needs. So we get people who see interpersonal situations in black and white with villains and hero’s instead of people.
Agreed. I started noticing it on Reddit a few years ago, and now that a new generation is reaching adulthood on both Reddit and Lemmy, it’s even more obvious. More people are reaching their 20s without having developed the social skills and real-world experiences that previous generations picked up naturally.
Society has always had socially awkward or isolated people, but technology has def amplified the problem. When I was younger, I spent most of my time around other people because there wasn’t an easy way to retreat into a digital world.
That constant face-to-face interaction forced people to learn how to socialize, resolve conflicts, and build relationships. Now too many people are missing out on that.
The number of socially maladjusted people online today is crazy now. I also think that besides just more social awkwardness and lack of marriages, it’s leading to more stalking and fixation issues for those same people.
I’ve had people obsessively follow and harass me on Lemmy just because I post news articles they don’t like. Not new behavior, but the scale of it seems greater than ever.
When people struggle to form meaningful connections and feel little control over their lives, online conflicts can become an unhealthy substitute for real accomplishment or social belonging. Which leads to less relationships, and more stalking and unhealthy obsessions.
And a special shoutout to my personal Lemmy stalker, who will want to downvote this comment. A perfect example of my point. Hopefully this discussion causes him to self-reflect and refrain from doing that so he can move on. EDIT: He didn’t refrain. Hi, NewPerspective. lol
lol I had a guy make 4 alternates of my account on other instances to downvote me because he didn’t like what I said to “another user” (his alt).
On reddit I used to frequent a lot of IRL fight footage type subreddits and used to foolishly engage the comments and get dogpiled until I realized I was talking to people who’d never even gone to a bar much less seen a bar fight.
Yep, my stalker has his main account that he follows me with, but he starts new accounts to pile up the downvotes on my comments for a view days, then he either gets banned or he just deletes them. But he always calls me the same weird nickname in them to make sure I know it’s him, so he’s not even trying to disguise himself. It’s weird! LMAO
Oh, and my stalker is downvoting my comments in this very thread. LMAO Right on schedule! (Hi NewPerspective! Your lemvote. org stats - Total post upvotes: 1. Total post downvotes: 1644. lolololol)
Like who the fuck has such a sad life that they obsess about someone on Lemmy of all places? Oh, the exact same kind of people we’re discussing! The lack of social interaction just messes with their brain.
On another note tho, I wonder if they can be taught to change that. I know brain elasticity is a thing, and people can learn new habits, but i wonder of stalkers like that can rewire themselves. Are there any former stalkers who talk about that transition?
I know that some socially awkward people can focus on themselves and sorta get over it, end up dating, marrying, getting along with others in the workplace, etc. But I wonder if the extreme ones like stalkers can. I gotta look that up!
I’m talking to a guy at the bottom of a dogpile right now and there’s this weird other account that I apparently blocked in the past commenting and downvoting lol.
So like I’d assume its similar to healing from any emotional trauma. Like I realized dating someone whose parents didnt teach them unconditional love meant that they viewed all love towards them as fundamentally conditional. Ultimately it takes someone capable of giving that love until they figure it out. Which isn’t me anymore.
Yeah, change like that does require self-reflection, which a lot of these types just don’t know how to do.