Me, an aspie: Why is rule A in place? Why can’t we do X instead of Y, X seems more efficient and would save time.
Them, A Normie: That’s just the way it is, conform.
I had a “friend” that was like this but this was only because she lied to everyone about just about everything and it was at a point where she struggled to keep up with the lies.
Half the time it was pointless nonsense. The other half it meant she was probably cheating or attempting to cheat with someone in the group’s partner.
You shouldn’t be getting upset because your friends remember what you said the last time you hung out. That’s just weird.
This post is a perfect example of everything is neurodivergent now.
Wym by everything?? This is a neurodivergent community after all, or do you mean it’s something a lot of people talk to you about??
I felt that. I thought I had some ADHD tendencies like every one has. The people making ADHD online are describing generic everyday experiences that everyone has. Just pandering bull shit to make people feel unique from everyone else. But I didn’t need some diagnosis - I just had some tendencies like everyone!
And then I started therapy for some PTSD and depression symptoms following hurricane Helene. The therapist clued in pretty quickly to other issues in my life. This eventually led to my seeing a psychologist. I started talking to him and it took a medical doctor telling me that I was not processing the world normally to even suspect that I may actually have ADHD. I wasn’t totally convinced though. So, I started to talk to my friends about how they spend their time, how they engage with their hobbies, what do they really mean when they say something went by quickly or that something took forever. What were they actually doing when they said that they did some task for hours. Turns out, we were certainly not on the same wavelength about things. I started meditation a week ago and the results are game changing.
Work? Easier. Mood? Happier. House? Cleaner.
My 10 year old son commented that I was nicer than normal. He was excited that I was able to sit with him and watch him show me something in a videogame. Normally, I can only stand that for maybe 30 seconds to 60 seconds. The other day, I probably watched him play dead cells for 20 minutes! It was great bonding time.
So, if you find this stuff relatable, there maybe a reason beyond common platitudes of the human experience. Talk to a doctor and see if there may be something to it.
Nobody seems to understand that I’m just genuinely curious about things. I have no other reason for asking. Nothing wrong, nothing to make fun of you for, and nothing to try and make things worse. Don’t ask me why I asked.
It just happens.
A good chunk of people are hostile bloodsuckers just pretending to be normal people, and they think everyone thinks like them secretly.
So usually, the person will look at an angle of how you are trying to undermine them.
No contact those people.
Some of the people who react that way aren’t bloodsuckers themselves, but have spent enough time around bloodsuckers that they’re more careful with new people. It can be hard to tell the difference and it’s understandable if you want to avoid the whole situation for your own safety.
Me: Question A
Them: Ah you must really mean Question B. Here’s your answer.
Me: OK but Question A
Them: Ooh, you’re really grilling me now. Relax.
“I asked the question I intended to ask using the words that I intended to use because they have the meaning that I intend them to have. There’s no secret subtext to read into, I am asking this question literally with the words coming out of my actual human mouth” And people will still think I’m fucking sarcastic.
A part of my job before i got let go was to write up “Recaps” and so I would dutifully document a summary of the days events, vital state and what not. I was truthful in what I wrote, but was eventually told by HR I had a “sarcasm problem.”
My (internal) reaction: https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExd2J6OXpndG9iZDYwN2Jka3FiY25wZzJlbW5nN2FmcmJ3aW1oZnpnbSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/dw7lCpFmsyfS0/giphy.gif https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExZjU4bDFiZThjY2Y2NHp5NG8ycGFnZWlsbnB3aDZnMWhpMWZicTZyaSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/l3q2K5jinAlChoCLS/giphy.gif https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExZ2dzMXZvdDI3amNteWt0bTJnemp6emFiemxyaHBocGFiNWVodXgwYyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/5oFjKRms23Lmt42GQt/giphy.gif
I endlessly strive to figure out how to have my words mean what they mean, when asking questions. TOO MANY times, suffering this^ scenario.
… And then tone too, finding what this mystery perfect intonation that has them remain in their considerate, critical, creative, compassionate forebrain, and not be thrust to the back of their brain in survival mode. It’s just an honest question! … Ever baffling, the psychology, the astrology, the lunar cycles, the weather, whatever else is going on in their life, to cause these impediments to simple direct communication that means what it means, and not all these sensational pos-hoc subtexts imagined but not intended.
I had a job interview once at a dual language company (me Eng, them another but spoke English) They asked what entailed in a previous job i had held, and I told them, “[…] making sure to give the customer an 'award-winning- smile.”
I knew this phrase had been used before metaphorically by people, after some of my own trial and error, but the interviewers then were surprised and then asked how I got the award.
I got dumbfounded by how seriously they took my attempt at light-hearted conversation, then I had to explain to them it doesnt always mean seriously.
Weird return on that one. Caught me so off guard.
I remember that asking a co-worker if we should do something, came across as ordering them, and made then very angry.
… A-ha! Yus! So that’s where it comes from… I think I just figured it out.
All the euphemistic speak, all the corporate speak, all the political speak… all the “nice’ty” (<- the portmanteau of nasty and nice), has trained peoples minds to only hear things like that now, so rife it has been for so long, especially for some, steeped in it all day every day…
… So however do we get back, out of this newspeak hole? Just carry on defiantly speaking straight forward? We can still mend this.
The people they’re triggering must be autistic themselves…
Curiosity can be rude
Oh I hate this. They tell me something interesting, I ask questions because I’m genuinely curious. And now they’re offended because they think I’m questioning what they just said.
My uncle is further on a spectrum than me, and when I was young I hated when he does this. You tell the story, and there is a passing character that doesn’t matter, but now he asks a lot of info about that one. Used to drive me crazy. The story is about a cute dog in a hat I saw on a train, it doesn’t matter how old was the dude that walked past it and also complemented the hat. It doesn’t matter where was the train going. A dog was wearing a hat, who cares how many people was also on a train.
I now understand better why he was asking the questionsYoung kids are like this, unable to parse what the is important and not important in any given story. They grow out of it pretty quickly, by maybe 10, at least in my experience. We’re neurotypical (as far as I know).
For my special interests I don’t mine follow up questions at all, in fact I like them. But most normal stories or narratives are fairly linear and there’s no need to follow every thread.
importance in the eye of the beholder
Of course, but when listening to a story it’s usually polite to listen to the person telling the story and what they want to tell you, what they deem important.
Wanna share a special interest here maybe? Seems a good thread for it.
Ah, well, there are many of them. Collecting ancient coins, for example. Messing around with Reticulum, an alternative network structure. Right now also shooting pistols, just started that some months back. Byzantine history… linguistics, particularly parts of speech in a typological perspective. And many others 😂 but as a dad of 3 I don’t get to spend enough time on them all.
I hear that. I am taking a look at:
Thanks! Sounds like the kind of stack that might help in post apocalyptic scenarios.
Hope to see you on RetiBooks then! 😊
Indeed
Oh yes…all the time. Either that or you’ll just hit a wall of “uh I don’t know?” Or “Why do you want to know such weird things?”.
My neighbor across the street has solar panels. I chatted with him once, and he brought them up. I asked if he got the battery wall too, and he said no, but seemed slightly miffed. Then, he said his electric bill was $60/mo. I probably didn’t seem suitably impressed, I didn’t tell him mine is $50/mo. and I don’t have solar panels, I just don’t use much electricity. I wanted to ask whether he was leasing them, or took out a loan for them, but didn’t.
I think the only way residential solar panels make sense is to have a battery, especially in the winter when we get a lot less sun, and most people are at work during the day, so a lot of residential electrical use is after sunset. That’s why I asked, but I didn’t say any of that to him.
Inserting context (especially that much at once) is rather difficult TBF.
Nah. I’m in Australia and our electricity bills have been slaughtered by two thirds. We used to have a powerpal (it died, ironically for the following) and even midwinter there would be huge chunks of the day where it registered 0 meter use - we are literally powering everything in the house just via solar.
So even without a battery (they’re 20k+) we’ve cut a large chunk of fossil fuels clean out of use. We also feed back into the grid - we get bugger all money for it, but that’s not the point. The point is reduction of fossil fuelled power.
Either the batteries are way more expensive in Australia than here in Europe or you have old prices.
The batteries that I am running are definetly much cheaper than yours (<5k), although I did install them myself.
It’s called the Australia Tax for a reason!
But yeah, we’re looking at a 16-20kwh battery system (we have a huge solar array) so $$
That sounds way nicer than the US. Even the high pressure sales guy said the math didn’t math for our house. It’s basically a 20 year loan to pay off the panels and even though we don’t have many trees I guess our house is at the wrong angle? To break even we would have to make it to 20 years. To save we would have to keep it longer than that. But they were only warranteed for 10. No thanks.
we get bugger all money for it, but that’s not the point.
Money is the point for most people, I would think. Altruism doesn’t pay the bills.
If you’re at the point where you’re selling excess, you’re already not paying for electricity.
You may enjoy playing snide gotchas. I don’t.
Where I live most electric is air conditioning.
And what the hell else are you gonna do with that space? Do they get in the way of your rooftop garden?
You stop wanting to participate in society the moment you realize most ‘normal’ people just say random words and avoid thinking about any of them like the plague.
Why?
(This is a joke about asking people why to they suddenly have to do some critical thinking)
I learned while gardening that when you lay manure to fertilise, the direction of the wind will determine the neighbors you upset. Just being yourself is going to upset someone at some point and it’s entirely out of our control.
I love this analogy so much.
Yep absolutely. Especially with these communication challenges NT <-> ND and trying best to understand. Suddenly bam! aggro mode.
I was just trying to understand, genuinely. No, you went too far!
Am I autistic? I have definitely done this by accident.
Could be.
Could be that you were just encountering any of several types narcissists, who in their fragile egos cannot entertain curiosity or criticism or advice as anything but an attack on their perfect image of themselves that they identify with.
There are various free online tests to help towards making a determination as to which it may be. Or even both.
Mine is more like I’m pretty comfortable with myself and being vulnerable and it makes other people super uncomfortable instead of triggered.
I get that. I’ve worked hard to calibrate my filter so it’s appropriate to different situations. It’s difficult to figure out the line sometimes. The best I can do is take the misunderstandings and turn them into self-deprecating jokes. I might end a spiel with, “Okay, I’m done nerding out now” or something along those lines. Usually people are cool about it. Maybe it’s the acknowledgement of my own awkwardness that helps?
Otherwise, I often hear, “Huh, I never thought about it that way,” and honestly that’s my favorite response. I want to make people question things. I want them to reflect on why they do what they do. I know it can be uncomfortable, but it’s better than living a life unexamined.
OMG is that what we’re doing!?
And here I thought I was doing a great job masking with small talk.
