I rarely see the sun or hangout with other humans.
It is hard. It has been like this since 2018
I just cried because I saw this animated video of how nature, it looked amazing, I missed my childhood home.
You see, I live in an apartment.
And I am in middle east and near the coast the and apparently the AC unit is not dehumidifying and I can’t change it since it came with the apartment.
I have to get a dehumidifier, it will cost a lot, and I promised my father that since I failed life I will just spend on necessities.
That why I didn’t go to doctors, and get a dehumidifier, phone etc. For so long.
Per the system it took me 2 years to get a replacement for a microwave. It was hard.
Now, I am so agitated, I can’t sleep with humidity level 60 to 70%
I miss being out. I just miss it.
It seems, I am alone in this.
No other person with autism on reddit or lemmy is in a similar situation.
I envy those with high functioning autism who have no mental retardation. And bizarrely those who habe the sever kind,.they are taken care of.
Sorry, I am really down, I feel like I can’t be myself, and being alone is hard
I am not in your exact situation, but trust me I fucking know that gut-wrenching where you feel so lonely and like a waste of flesh and a social failure, that feeling when you look through the slit next to your curtains and you can see how normal people just “live” as if it was easy, happy couples outside and birds and everything going on, but you’re the same person, sitting in the same room looking at the same screen in front of the same wall. I feel you when I remember the feeling of “everyone can do it, but why was I born this way? Who took away my ability to be normal and do human things? Who forced me to withdraw because it’s soul crushing to take 10 tries for completely normal and arbitrary things?”. That feeling when you’re back to square one. And you’ve been there, you’ve seen it, you’ve tried the careful route, you’ve tried the reckless route, but nothing made it easier, and people still don’t understand you.
What I’m trying to say is, I feel you. We’re not the same but those feelings are unfortunately really engrained in my brain. They come and go but they are familiar.
And I wish I could tell you it disappears forever at some point, but it doesn’t for me. It’s still there, comes and goes in waves, and I am fighting hard just to be able to live the normal way.
The only thing I can tell you is that you get used to it to some degree, and you learn and make less mistakes and learn more ways of dealing with things, you also learn when no one is looking so that sometimes you can stop masking and just be yourself. You also realize normal people don’t have to work as hard for these things, so having to be so adaptable suddenly gives you some very interesting skills.
I hope things get better for you. I hope your dad understands how hard life is for you sometimes and I hope he doesn’t think of you as a failure, and just as someone who is different. I hope you find a way to live your life, not in a normal way, but in a way that suits you and I hope you get through what I can only assume is a really challenging chapter of your life.
Please don’t give up, it’s people like you who we need most in the future to help us through tough times. I’m sure eventually you’ll be an awesome friend to a few people, and an awesome partner to someone else and until then I hope you keep going and find a way.
I’ll be here, feel free to dm me, I’m always down to talk <3
I am around 40.
Been living alone since 2018.
I wish if I lived in a town bouse/villa not in apartment.
Going sitting outside… I miss that.
Recently I realized I am not intellectually disabled, I am just mentally retarded, meaning I have a slow cpu.
Before realizing that, I learned finally how to clean and wipe the bothroom floor without going crazy and spending a long time. It used to take hours, I do.it.under 15 minutes…OH YEAH BABY.
I BAVE a hypothesis, that maybe if I changed apartment, I will have this problem again. I think not, but maybe.
I also learned… I forgot, I have e learned two things this year and it took me decades.
I have MCI, suspected, there is no real test to know, just a random neurologist testing you with a short exam.
2026 been tough, dude, I am from the country which is attacked but Donald the orange boy, and I am in a country where they might deport me any day. I was born here, dude.
Hope that won’t happen.