So I thought I had figured myself till now. But I was clearly wrong…
So the last few days have been incredibly confusing as I reflected on my gender identity. I’m definitely a boy, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t want to go by any pronouns except he/him. The they/she stuff simply isn’t me.
I don’t want to dress up in a feminine manner (I don’t think I would be comfortable in skirts and thigh highs and what not…). Like… I haven’t tried that yet, but I really doubt I would be much interested in it. I like my current wardrobe.
HOWEVER, I want a feminine-ish body. Like… not boobs or anything. I find boobs quite repulsive. BUT I would definitely love to have a more feminine butt/dick. I like tucking, WHILE loving my dick.
I hate body hair/facial hair. The only place that I like hair on is my head. And while my hair is long-ish, it isn’t girl-like long. Like… the intention is not to look like a girl.
I dunno, it’s weird I suppose… Here’s one way to put it. If estrogen didn’t give me boobs, I would LOVE to take it. I would love to have a higher voice, better head-hair, and a girlier butt and dick. BUT I would still identify as a male while being in male-like clothes.
What the hell am I? I’m definitely not trans. I don’t think I’m a femboy, as I would hate doing makeup/wearing skirts n stuff. I’m so confused.
Oh, and I’m gay if that’s relevant.
Sounds like you’re a regular person with thoughts and preferences for how your body looks, like all people. Don’t think it’s about being trans, sorry to disappoint. Just my 2 cents though.
Oh yeah, I’m definitely not trans for sure. About the rest, I dunno… Like… Do my male friends think stuff like this too?
Some might, others don’t. The important thing is that with the billions of people on the planet there are plenty of other people who do.
You are not alone.
Yeah, but is there a name for ppl like myself? The nbs have their communities, the trans ppl have their communities. What community do I join to explore this more? This is why I am interested in seeing if there is a category in which I belong so that information about this can be formalised a little more.
This might be terminally Gen-X of me and Dan, but I’ll paraphrase what he said in Savage Love several years ago: It’s unwieldy to slice&dice gender and sexual expression into ever-smaller, narrower categories. Not every permutation needs a name and a flag. We can just be cis-men with non-stereotypical behavior or aesthetic preferences.
There’s only so far labels can take you. Each aspect of gender is it’s own spectrum. Some aspects of gender can fall completely towards the male side, others can fall completely towards the female side. Understanding yourself means understanding all those different parts, and labels are just a way to summarize to make it convenient to share with others.
How do you feel about just being queer? More and more it’s becoming an ambiguous term for people that don’t clearly fit into any other category. It would give you the freedom to define yourself however you want without worrying about ‘fitting in.’
The other option is to kinda just makeup your own term. Obviously that will make it hard to find others exactly like you but I don’t think that is strictly necessary. I think you could relate to a lot of different identities within the LGBT community.
Ultimately though, I think people tend to focus too much on labeling and grouping themselves. Who cares what ‘label’ you have, just focus on what makes you feel like you. To quote Schitts Creek, ‘Like the wine, not the label.’
You might be non-binary, keep in mind you can still use he/him while being non-binary. Gender has no rules, be whoever you want and use whatever pronouns feel best.
Wow, I wasn’t aware of this!!! That sounds liberating honestly… I’m definitely gonna be exploring what being nb means now…
Generally we use Enby or Non-binary since NB is used to mean Non-Black which is more of a POC thing.
But there’s no harm in a little self exploration. Non-binary is generally under the trans umbrella since the general meaning of trans has to do with not feeling like body and gender are aligned. Agender for instance is still not aligned with the physical sex of a person so someone who hold that they have no gender, fluid gender or multiple genders are still trans… but there are people in our communities who feel like the word trans doesn’t resonate and they identify as non-trans non-binary. Sometimes the more loose term “genderqueer” is applied to mean this type of the middle ground. There’s a flag and everything.
Btw the whole voice thing has more to do with vocal training than estrogen. Estrogen doesn’t actually change your voice. If you want to get started “Voice Feminization training” is where to start. https://youtu.be/BfCS01MkbIY?si=cs_FxCA13ZwkNoNI Hairless faces are also not an estrogen thing. That is usually achieved via electrolysis or laser hair removal… It takes a while to achieve but the hair lightens by degrees.
There are also cosmetic surgeries to enhance certain features without relying on horomones to do the job for you. These things are generally stigmatized by wider society but it is an option for a more targeted transition.
Estrogen will change your metabolism and fat distribution to be more in line with phenotypic female presentation but looking beyond sex as a binary you start seeing that there are plenty of phenotypic female folk out there without big butts, belly folds or boobs. Genderqueerness is all about mix and match, doing what you want. The tech is there for everyone who wants it.
I’m in a very similar boat, OP. It sounds like you’re genderqueer to me.
You might be nonbinary!
Seriously, I’m enby and I’ve been on hormone therapy for 8 months, and your description is just a few degrees manlier than myself.
I use any pronouns and have a girly butt and itty bitty titties, but I’ve also got a fancy moustache, short hair, and a wardrobe that’s mostly jeans and t-shirts. The only makeup I wear is nail polish and the occasional bit of eyeliner. You can totally be nonbinary or a gender-nonconforming guy and still keep the masculine aspects of your presentation, there’s no rule against that! 😄
IIRC, they’re even testing out some new forms of hormone therapy that can give you soft skin, fairer hair, and a girly butt without growing your tits, but you’d still need to do voice training since hormones don’t raise your register.
fancy moustache
I’ve no idea, but you’re just this in my head canon now.
a girly butt without growing your tits
WHAT!!! That’s amazing! I should read about this more.
But hey, thanks so much for the comment! Perhaps I should research more about being non binary. This was really helpful! You’re amazing <3
fancy moustache
I’ve no idea, but you’re just this in my head canon now.
Lol, more villainous than French, but yeah. XD
a girly butt without growing your tits
WHAT!!! That’s amazing! I should read about this more.
Yeah! I came across this study when I was doing my pre-HRT research. They’re called Selective Estrogen Receptor Modulators or SERMs.
You’re amazing <3
No, you! XD
WOAH THAT’S A COOL MOUSTACHE!
Yeah! I came across this study when I was doing my pre-HRT research. They’re called Selective Estrogen Receptor Modulators or SERMs.
Seems quite promising! From what I understood, the stuff adds up theoretically and has been in use for cis women already. It’s just that experimental evidence doesn’t exist for the nb folk for this specific purpose. Considering this, I’m hopeful for something to come up in the next five years ig!
No, you! XD
Goddamn pawb.social furries… Always so cute…
Hehee, thank you so much!
Do let us know how your gender journey goes! I’d never have had the courage to start on hormone therapy if I hadn’t stumbled across other amab enbies who blazed the trail before me, and I’m genuinely chuffed to help others find themselves in or adjacent to my rare little corner of genderspace. 😸
Hehe absolutely!!! <333
What’s the significance in defining yourself this way? Why do you need to create a (pointless?) category? I don’t see how this impacts your life.
Right now, I don’t have anyone to share this experience with. I know I’m not alone, but I can’t just find people like myself by repeating the post above over and over again, can I? That’s why categories exist, so that you can describe stuff in less words.
You described a regular person who, like all people, has mental and physical preferences, some masculine and some feminine. We are all like you. If you need a category to describe that I’d say person is fitting.
Bro, you’re uraniumblazer. You don’t need a label to be yourself.
