Like my grammie always used to say, find a job doing something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.

The secret to good tuna salad is to add something crunchy (celery, water chestnut, firm relish), something sweet (sweet relish, pinch of sugar), hard boiled egg yolk or diced whole hard boiled egg, and a small amount of breadcrumbs or crushed crackers to absorb excess moisture, with crackers being slightly tastier due to added sodium but breadcrumbs being preferred if you need to reduce sodium. You can also substitute canned salmon or similar for the tuna if mercury and pollutants are a cause for concern. And of course, a dollop of real mayonnaise, not artificially sweetened, hydrogenated and whipped vegetable byproduct.

This made me recall an odd bank related situation that happened to me a few weeks ago, and which I am still a bit perplexed by.

Due to a couple of things coming up, I needed to stock up on some bills of various denominations. Nothing all that crazy, in my opinion, 20 $1 bills, 20 $5 bills, stuff like that, a few hundred dollars at most. Where else do you get bills like that? The bank, I assumed.

When I got up to the teller, I explained that I needed to pull out X amount from my account, and I that I needed specific number of each denomination. She looked at me like I was asking something completely unheard of. She even told me, I don’t think I have the money for that as she shuffled through some drawers.

Eventually she asked another teller who told her she’d have to go to the central terminal (I don’t recall the actual name they used) and make a request for each denomination. So the teller walked across the back of the bank to a computer that looked like it was from the 80s. After about 10 minutes of typing, with multiple people helping her, 2 people came out from a room, walked over to a floor vault and opened it. While one pulled out the cash I requested, the other stood guard. It was surreal. They counted the money twice, the teller counted the money twice, and then finally came back to the counter and gave me the deposit. She seemed to be barely holding back her level of irritation at me.

All that for just a few hundred dollars in cash. It had me really wondering if I was mistaken about the role and services provided by banks and whether I was out of line for asking to receive specific denominations. Was I supposed to leave a tip or something?

Press D for them somersaults.

Until now I’ve never seen a crooked snake before.

I mean, at the end of the day, candy is candy and three dollars is three dollars.

If you just cut out a half dozen eggs per day from your budget, you’ll be fine. And if that’s not enough. then make coffee at home and stop ordering avocado toast, too. Did you know you can also sell your plasma for money and I think they even take gay people’s blood now, too.

I USED TO HAVE CARDBOARD NOW I HAVE KEYBOARDS.

I start with my hair first, then face, and work my way down, but I do the butt hole last. That way my hair washes most of the fecal material out of the towel the next time I dry myself off and I don’t have as much butt stuff all over the rest of my body. Because that’s how things work.

Sir, this is Ruth’s Chris.

Rent is due in 28 days and in 28 days rent is due. That means all you have to do is make a whole bunch of money between now and then, that way you can pay your rent. So the options are limited, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t any option at all for you. For instance, if you just had some rich parents, you could take out a small multi-million dollar loan from them and pay your rent out of that. If you have a nice body and you know how to work it, you could become a high end hooker like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, and then it would only take a handful of dates per month to pay off all your bills. Barring those options, you could convince your friends to sell their plasma and donate the proceeds to you. But you’d have to have a lot of friends to make that work, and let’s be honest. You don’t seem like the type to have that many friends. On the other hand, we could try to make you a Go Fund Me and then send it viral. Had a friend whose hamster got leukemia and they paid for the chemo with a Go Fund Me.

Why can’t they just make one universal standard format and then just stick to that in all systems rather than have 400 million random different incompatible file systems running around? Wouldn’t 400 million and 1 be better?

Let’s see. Sunglasses indoors. I’m thinking he’s either a druggie trying to hide his eyes to avoid detection or those glasses are an expensive fashion accessory and he’s showing off. NOTE: These are not mutually exclusive. The drink, presumably an alcohol-based concoction such as a “martini” with ambiguous fruit which could be an olive, certainly doesn’t clear up either of those possibilities. At best we see he’s wearing cold temperature clothing, long sleeves and pants, and yet his foot is exposed, bare with no sock.

What can we deduce from that? Maybe it’s a prosthetic leg? If so, that could mean a couple of things. But foremost, we have to consider the possibility that his prosthetic leg is the result of an injury that also left him infertile?

I had an uncle that lost a leg and one testicle in a fall off the top of a building. Doctors told him he would never have kids, but 10 years later that was proved to be a lie. My cousin Ricky was a miracle baby, even if he did look like my uncle’s girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend. I mean, blonde hair and blue eyes doesn’t run in our family, and I know it doesn’t run in Shelly’s family either, so where did that come from? On the other hand, everybody in Ray’s family, even the mixed kids, have blonde hair and blue eyes. So do the math and get back to me on that one.

The real question is ketchup versus butter and we all know it.

Sansevieria? More like sans broke, brown people.

I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay, wasting time.

If we drink this stale grape juice out of these disposable, single-use plastic containers that will ultimately end up in the landfill generating oodles of microplastics and leaching dangerous chemicals into the environment then we can all be saved and live happily ever after.

Is Pixelfed hosted on a Pentium II or did I just pick a really bad time to click the link?

What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence.

Given the improbability of plugging it in on the first try, I’m going to need to see some proof.

What I really need in my life right now is shiny, metallic, holographic rounded star-shaped stickers with perhaps slightly more humorous and/or pragmatic text written on them.