The room? Cleaned

The mirror? Shiny

The vibes? Immaculate

The song? ‘Forgotten voyage’ lindsey stirling

Just happy this weeks better than the last. How about everyone else?

  • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    5 days ago

    Out at a karaoke night that’s winding down with friends from the LGBT group, and in full girlmode (minus makeup) outside around people for the first time ever! I wore a skirt out a few days ago and decided I wanted more.

    Now I want to burn all my boy clothes and never wear masculine shit again…

    But I’m having a blast out right now and that’s what’s important!

    • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      5 days ago

      Youre exactly where im at, my post with the yellow sundress was first time public in daylight in a moderately crowded area. It was scary, but the feeling of being who i saw far outweighed the fear. Now im just waiting to therapy (6 days woo) to finally tell her what i shouldve been talking about this whole time, gotta plan a talk with my partner to ease my kid into it. Scheduled my gender pathways appt in late may, very exciting stuff going on!

      Im glad you had fun! I wanna burn all my masc clothes too, and i will! Just not quite yet, soon tho

      • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        5 days ago

        If you’ve got appointments scheduled, you’re further along than I am! I have no idea where to start and given the state I live in, I have to scrape up money for everything since insurance will no longer pay for it. 😭

        It sounds like you’re well on the way to being your true you! Def jealous.

        Honestly I might go full weirdo and stuff the clothes with straw to make weird strawmen to burn my clothes in a field… Alas, also not yet.

        Someday!

          • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            4 days ago

            I wouldn’t even know where to start there. I have extremely basic first aid knowledge and some nursing school knowledge I picked up from helping an old gf study for a couple years. So diy is basically Wild Magic to me

            • RachelRodent@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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              4 days ago

              Diy means ordering hormones off of the internet, I do injctions now for example now. (In a better place but still not in the official system) Do you have any secure communication channels? I did help others I would like to help you.

              • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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                4 days ago

                I’d be afraid I’d fuck something up and injure myself somehow but depending on how the next few weeks go, I might shoot you a DM to get in contact.

                The most secure way I have is my signal account, I keep PIN turned on, only “new message” for a notification (idk if android has the same issue I phones had recently with signal notifications being stored but just in case…)

        • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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          5 days ago

          Youll get there sooner than you think, promise! ❤️

          5 years ago i woulda told you that im probly not going on hrt or doing anything medically. 3 years ago i couldnt imagine leaving my house even at night in fem. 2 years ago i woulda said theres no way that ill publicly out myself in any way. One year ago there no way i would left the house in broad daylight in fem. 6 months ago i woulda said no way to any surgeries. 3 months ago i would said its too soon for a pathways appt. I think you can guess how that all went 😂😂

          Seriously though, your journey is yours and noone elses, take as long or short of a time as you need. Every sister here deserves to take their time blossoming into the beautiful flower theyre meant to be! ❤️

          Edit: when i am done with masc clothes, there no way in hell me burning them doesnt end up as a post here

          • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            4 days ago

            I checked planned parenthood, and they’ve got an office about 40 miles from me and I have some money I had saved up “just in case” (“just in case" what, turtle?) I could use for some appointments and things.

            I really do want to get started, but im just terrible at reaching out to make appointments. I’ve always said I need a medical assistant I can shoot a text to and be like “I need dental work, can we find a dentist that accepts medicaid and schedule an appointment?” instead I wait for things to build up until I have no choice but to make the calls… Not healthy lol

            Add all that into the fact that I’m making a bit of a leap in today’s world, and while it’s a ledge I want to sprint off of, getting that first good stride toward the edge is apparently harder mentally. I should see if one of our friends is willing to schedule it for me 😂 or bare minimum help me through it…

            Definitely post the Burninating. A few of my friends want to have a full ceremony under the full moon to get rid of mine.

            I’ve already tossed almost all my male undergarments and some of the more hated clothing. I have most of my shirts and some things to interview/work/be boymoding in… Can’t wait until I can have a witchy ceremony to destroy them once and for all!

            • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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              4 days ago

              I feel it, alls i want to do is jump into the deep end but its probly better to take small steps 😂

              I def will. Ill burn it all except my band t shirts, but those can still be girly lol

              • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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                4 days ago

                Fuck small steps, give me a pool filled with estradiol!

                You can absolutely style any t-shirt to be girly! In school all the goth/punk/alt girls would take old shirts and cut them up, and re-tie the strands together to make more feminine cuts, and as a bonus the sides had gaps to provide a nice breeze in summer (which sometimes required planning the wardrobe accordingly) so I bet you could absolutely make them more feminine! You need to post pics when you do!

                • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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                  4 days ago

                  Holy i forgot all about the cut up shirt thing! Thats actually an awesome idea.

                  My partner (cis female) has to take estradiol for different reasons, and i cant count how many times i looked on jealously lol. Ill get there very soon though, im confident in that. Thank Gaia that i dont live in a backwards shithole, i dont envy anyone in that situation

  • Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    5 days ago

    There she is! Wishing you a week full of confidence and joy!

    I finally got my blood test results so next step is to get my hrt prescription, so excited. But I’m also at a work thing that involves being alone in hotel rooms all week and I’m quite looking forward to being home.

    • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      5 days ago

      Alone in hotel rooms? You make that sound bad, id be going wild! I guess if its your job tho 🤷‍♀️

      Congraties im so happy for you! My first pathways appt is in 42 days and it CAN NOT GET HERE SOON ENOUGH. Im actually checking the app everyday like 3 times a day to see if theres an earlier appt.

      That said, i still wont be able to start until the summer at the very earliest 😭

      • Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        5 days ago

        I keep telling myself I’ll forget about all this waiting soon enough, but it’s not making it feel any better. I won’t be relaxed till I’m holding it in my hand.

        Also you’re right, I should be having fun rn. What am I doing?

        • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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          5 days ago

          I cant wait til its in your hands!! Honestly im kinda the same way, i want it nowwwww 😭 Well to be fair id give my left kidney to start it 10 yrs ago, but later is better than never. 😂 Ill be here waiting with you, so exciting ❤️

  • Akagigahara@lemmy.world
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    5 days ago

    Stressful, my girlfriend has very early shifts right now, so it disrupted our sleep schedules.

    Besides that, reading LotR and playing SWTOR :)

    Less productive than I’d like, but the energy is going somewhere else x.x

      • Akagigahara@lemmy.world
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        5 days ago

        C’est la vie, I’m not beating myself up over it, after all the sleep schedule being disrupted is a good enough excuse for me!

        • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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          5 days ago

          Yeah! You got this, noone needs to be doing something important 24/7. Thats toxic patriarchal bullshit. Its ok to just veg sometimes ❤️

  • chattre@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    5 days ago

    cute comfy looking fit :3

    I posted about it before, but I got my first injection done yesterday!! inside I’ve been feeling super great :3

    my spawnpoint has just been getting on my nerves lately though, hot weather coming up and she won’t stop bugging me to wear short sleeves and shorts… LITERALLY NO… I can’t even explore further than plain long sleeves and sweatpants because of you… I do NOT want to go back to the masc stuff

    some part of my impulsiveness just wants to do it one day just to let her see that I’ve already shaved myself quite well, but then home life would get quite a bit more explosive… she thinks I’m following her “advice” and not doing any transition. I know I can’t keep up the lies and deception forever… but I gotta try really hard to hold out at least until after my high school graduation

    as always, my life is always a mixed bag… sigh 🫠

    • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      5 days ago

      Aww im sorry girly, its tough being underage and still under parents thumb. I do hope it gets better for you, hopefully your this years class?

      Congraties on the shots though! I cant say im not a little envious, what i wouldnt give to start hrt but like 10 years ago 😂

      Keep on keeping on, and dont let the world drag you down ❤️

      • chattre@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        4 days ago

        I am this year’s class!! I just wanna get it over with and move on… close one chapter and open the next

        honestly still find it pretty funny that my journey feels reversed, things that are “easier” to do are hard for me and the “harder” things are more manageable…

        • outfits: I have no idea what I want, exploring takes time I don’t have atm, I can’t store them somewhere easily accessible, I can’t wear them very often, ugh. I do have a skirt and thigh highs which I love though so I know that much at least… I’m now in full support of pants ban >:3
        • shaving: also pretty spotty, I’ve gotten a routine together but I can’t do my arms or face without making spawnpoint get all on my case again…
        • haircut: I already have long hair, but I can’t style it or explore, ditto with shaving

        but then??

        • therapy: appointments are available in the near future so I’ll have to check them out
        • job: very likely coming I hope… I want my own money just in case of anything
        • name: I have a name already and it sticks… love it sm and my friends use it whenever we talk
        • HRT: zero barriers!?? thank you PP but wtf that was scary fast 😆

        I’m starting to see how the rest of the world is ready to accept me far better than my spawnpoint… keeping away from her and making myself better is the goal!!

        • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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          4 days ago

          Hell yeah! We dont all have it together alll the time, even as adults. Youll find that adulthood is much the same as being a minor, especially if you dont have the most helpful birthgivers. I didnt either, and my upbringing was steeped in racism, homophobia, and any other bigotry and prejudice under the sun. The biggest thing i learned from all that is where hate gets you.

          Sorry you cant wear what you want and shave what you want without being inspected, its gross. Policing your body is some real predator energy tbh. Im glad you have supportive friends, and its soooo close to the end of the school year your almost there!

          I second getting a job or some kind of income, not because i tell everyone to “get a job”. But because its liberating having your own money, and from the sounds of it you might need it more than most.

          Were always here for you girly, when life is rough make sure to take care of yourself! And your always welsome to come vent to me ❤️

  • Shirow@lemmy.zip
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    5 days ago

    Well mood’s fluctuating. Feeling a bit down. Yet somehow, I’m happy, stressed, about this week-end gonna visit some friends far away that I’ve never seen physically. I’m trusting them I have no doubts but stress still exists.

    Got new boots that slay, that’s that.

    • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      5 days ago

      Sounds a bit rough, i hate mood fluctuations 😭 i feel so fucking crazy when that happens.

      I believe in your strength to endure tho, and im jelly of your boots!

      You got this! ❤️

  • Amnesigenic@lemmy.ml
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    4 days ago

    Fuck yeah clean room! I need to do that too lol

    I’m stuck in several consecutive days of training for a new client, an interminable procession of powerpoint presentations, but when I’m done I get to change schedules so I’ll be clocking in at noon instead of 5am. My wife’s new job is 2nd shift, not getting to spend as much time with her has sucked. Soon I’ll get to sleep in and snuggle again!

    • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      4 days ago

      Yay snuggles are the best! 🥰 booooo powerpoints the worst kind of presentation.

      Clean rooms are overrated. I mean obviously dont live disgustingly, but i do think too much emphasis is put on being spotless. I think its ok to just be mostly put together. Thats something im trying to get my partner to understand, because currently shell spend hours cleaning one thing and then beat herself up because its not perfectly clean

      • Amnesigenic@lemmy.ml
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        4 days ago

        100% agree, I’m trying to focus on keeping things functional rather than flawless. I used to get so worked up thinking about how difficult it would be to finish everything that I couldn’t even get started. These days I’m trying to give myself more credit for partial completion, don’t let perfect be the enemy of good &etc