The door refused to open. It said, “Five cents, please.”
He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. “I’ll pay you tomorrow,” he told the door. Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight. “What I pay you,” he informed it, “is in the nature of a gratuity; I don’t have to pay you.”
“I think otherwise,” the door said. “Look in the purchase contract you signed when you bought this conapt.”
In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it necessary to refer to the document many times. Sure enough; payment to his door for opening and shutting constituted a mandatory fee. Not a tip.
“You discover I’m right,” the door said. It sounded smug.
From the drawer beside the sink Joe Chip got a stainless steel knife; with it he began systematically to unscrew the bolt assembly of his apt’s money-gulping door.
“I’ll sue you,” the door said as the first screw fell out.
Joe Chip said, “I’ve never been sued by a door. But I guess I can live through it.Philip K. Dick, Ubik
Or San Francisco a decade ago.
I recommend bi-metal hole saws all day long!
Why would you bother with a jigsaw or a router when you can get the confort of a well rounded hole!
just poop your pants and you might become the new leader
You already have a toilet subscription, it’s called your water bill.
Also, rent.
You don’t see the potential. Imagine what we can achieve once every toilet is connected to the cloud!
Sorry to share the bad news
https://gadgetsandwearables.com/2025/10/30/kohler-dekoda/
The device Kohler Dekoda is priced at $599 on the company’s website. In addition to the one-off hardware cost, there is a subscription required for the companion Kohler Health app: the single‑user plan is US $6.99 per month, or US $70 per year.
Just a random website from search results.
Edit: The company claims they scan the bowl for gut problems and othet health related things. Would be either a horrible or very funny data breach.
Wut? you guys don’t use Copilot to shit yet? Are you stupid?
It’s one of the more useful features of it.
This is stirring a memory. I swear there was some kids film or show where a toilet spoke, something like “thank you for flushing away your poop.”
Without AI flush your pipes will break bro
We could optimize performance so that every flush is catered to your needs!
Competitive shitting. Had this idea 5 years ago when we were debating toilet upgrades for some reason.
That was my thought when I saw this post
But what about second subscription. Don’t you care about the share holders?
I already have second subscription, it’s the sewer bill. Should I consider getting third subscription?
Do it for the shareholders friend! And maybe even a 4th if 5th subscription! With overage fees and junk charges!
Look I’m not going to do that but if you were to sell subscription toilets well under market rates for a long time using investor funds until you run normal toilet manufacturers out of business I’m not sure I’d have a choice.
I also pay specific sewage tax, which is legally required for anyone with a sewage connection to their home (where I live). And for people who don’t, they probably have some kind of septic system where they pay for the materials and personnel to upkeep that.
We have a sewer bill and it’s higher than the water bill.
My city has water and sewer combined.
Well… Clean water came in, shitty water left.
They should be paying you then, cause you added value!
Isn’t it proportional to water consumed? Kinda makes sense
that’s how it works here, based on your metered water usage (and you can’t have your own well for water)
I believe it also includes our trash.
Do you throw your trash down the toilet or what. How are Americans still alive
Through a complex system of misery.
Bathroom water handling fee.
Why on earth is there a gemini watermark on this?
Because it’s slop.
What do you expect a person to go into their own bathroom (of which everyone has) and fake fail to open the toilet (that we all have) with the camera (that we all have on our phones)?!
Unreasonable!
The subscriptions which are actually still hard to avoid are: for a lot of people rent, for Muricans healthcare, power, water, trash, Internet. Parents get a few more and personal liability insurance is also a good idea (but also relatively cheap for most people).
The other subscriptions are luxury and easy to just not have.Even your house is a subscription in the US. My mom has to pay over $10,000 yearly in property taxes of her house that’s been paid off for over a decade. If she dies (she’s healthy so not soon, but as a hypothetical) I inherit a house I can’t afford the maintenance and taxes on. What are the luxuries? Netflix? That’s passé. We can all cancel Prime, that’s not the point.
Any new tech is a subscription unless you do all you can to research it and make sure it only connects to your network.There is very little that people want and is easy to not have, unless you want to live a very bare-bones life. Cue Karl Marx quote about going to the pub.
That’s an interesting situation, isn’t it? You own a house, but because you need to generate income to keep it, you have to either become a landlord and live somewhere else - perhaps using part of your income to pay the mortgage on another house - or sell it and draw down your new wealth by paying rent.
Exactlyyyy. It’s basically rent to the state. We have sales tax in this state too and why are we paying taxes on home valuations when the home isn’t being sold. The house is probably going to be sold for a nursing home and bye bye inheritance for me. I wonder when this bubble is going to burst. Only my wealthiest friends anticipate getting a substantial amount from their parents.
I want to have a child but I don’t feel I can give them what they need. I would never pressure my family members to do what benefits me most, but I secretly wish that my mom would retire in Taiwan, where she was born, where she’ll have family and it might be kinder. Retiring in the US seems like the biggest grift. I won’t bring it up unless she brings up grandchildren and then I’ll say I can’t swing it unless she retires in a more affordable country. Now nobody is happy
2048 and this guy has running water? Fake news!
San Francisco since the 21st century has had four or five public restrooms that are automated and self cleaning, and free! Why? Because even then poop from the homeless and impoverished was a problem.
Not allowing people to use your business restroom is just a good way to end up with occasionally cleaning up poop on your grounds, and your back alleys perpetually smelling like urine. In the meantime, if you do let people use your restroom for free, they’re more inclined to return to your establishment to patronize it.
Small businesses in the US like restaurants and cafes will lock their bathrooms anyway more out of habitual miserliness: Laws in the US immensely favor large chains and franchises, so small business owners and managers get used to doing everything they can to raise revenues and lower costs (including stealing tips and underpaying staff) so the petit bourgeoisie for a while seemed crueler than big corporations. (As workplace regulation violations are not being investigated, big businesses are catching up, as per Amazon and Facebook). In 2026, small resellers rarely open their restrooms up to the public, and some restaurants and cafes don’t feature restrooms at all.
And so major cities all have poop problems, either managed by municipal cleaners or by ordinance requiring property owners keep their grounds clean.
Toilets have been a subscribtion since always
Just shit in the shower. We all do it, right.
Wafflestompers unite!
Time to get shwifty.
Ima a poop in the sink.
No other choice.
🛁🧇🦶
Assuming you’re subscribed
You want people shitting in the streets? Because that’s how you get people shitting in the streets.
Mailing turds to ToiletTech’s CEO
The woods as well. You know, where it’s meant to go.
We’re not all bears. We’ll, I am, but my hips don’t let me squat so good anymore.
Have you ever seen the play Urinetown?
This is the plot. Literally.
