what the fuck
this is on the offical website
it can’t get any more threatening than this
Don’t worry, they made sure it’s killable!This definitely started with some engineer saying “how are we going to get around the critical design flaw of these bigass pressurized air containers in the robot being potentially explosive and relatively easy to puncture?”
Marketing it as “give the plebs you sic this thing on a fighting chance, it’ll be funny” is actually a stroke of genius lmao
How much XP will I get?
inverse airbag safety
WHY DID THEY GIVE IT COLOSSUS EYES
Looks like something from the SCP wiki
I’m pretty sure they know exactly what they’re doing.
I would run for my life.
Run up the spiral stairs.
LOL
I’m gonna fuck it.
ಠ_ಠ
spoiler
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
Yeah it needs a fleshlight mount on the backside and I’ll take it to a cliff where it has no choice but to push back.
Well SatansMaggotyCumFart, you have clearly thought about this quite in detail!
Honestly the only surprising part here is that you haven’t.
Only if it doesn’t fuck you first
Either way I win.
Humans are so adorable
jfc, could they make it any more fucking ominous?
Plus, the whole “you can easily disable it by puncturing the lung-analog air tank in its torso with a weapon or projectile” and “the horns are to slow it down moving through doorways” bits. What exactly are you trying to design against again because that sounds like a creature, or at the very least something autonomous, not a remote operated robot.
Surely this is satire, right?
No, it is satyress.
Possible, but I feel like a lot of effort went in for it to only be satire. No obvious AI images, multiple views of the thing including close up of the “hand” and they’re all consistent. Could be made as an art sculpture and this is the satirical product page, maybe.
Looks like all the current news coverage of it is reacting as if it’s real/credible as well.
Did you not read the company name…?
Now that’s comedy.
It’s a teleoperated robot, not an autonomous machine. They’re designing against bad actors who might use the robot as a murderbot
“You can stop it with any handgun”
sorry, dark mode users
It was supposed to be white? I see it black on my dark mode
That’s the problem, due to a transparent background it’s black on dark, making it near-invisible
It even has a fucking CHAINSAW attachment ffs! 🤦🏻
I mean, how else is it supposed to slice its way inside a burning house or forest to rescue people?
Positive thinking!
Okay, so… Aside from the creepy terrifying robot thing, what’s happening in this picture? Is that a door with a full plate glass window… in a wall between two hallways? Is the bot just standing in a large empty room staring through a door without opening it?
It’s to show that it can’t fit through a standard door quickly.
https://www.satyress.com/#safety
Threehalves will be substantially slowed if attempting to navigate a standard American 32"x80" door, and cannot turn around in a 42" wide hallway or enter a door orthogonal to the hallway. Larger horns can be fit to prevent any passage through pedestrian doors.
It’s hard to tell if the whole thing is a joke or not. How should much focus should be put on the name satyress
They say that they’ve made it look scary so that people will not underestimate how dangerous a robot with extreme strength could be to humans around it. Which actually sort of makes sense. It’s designed to look like a warning basically to reduce the chance of it accidentally injuring someone while working.
Threehalves? So… Manbearpig?
Al Gore: “I told you guys! I said I was Super Cereal.”
VIbes of the 7 foot tall 7/11 stocking robot.
Oh boy! I get two new nightmare demons today!
Yay I can hardly wait for hordes of these things owned by governments and corporations to be armed and active around the globe!
I mean at least this will replace forcing people to kill eachother. right? RIGHT?
Someone should quickly hand Miss Peregrine her crossbow.
Why does it need four legs??? Why centaur??? Can we not???
Two-legged walk cycles are very complicated and unstable.
Wheels work great for indoor spaces, roads, tracks etc.
Well, this isn’t limited to indoor spaces, then.
Because it needs to be able to run after you no matter the terrain.
Then they need to give those four legs wheels, clearly.
first thing came to my mind are the tachikomas from ghost in the shell for some reason
Yes, that’s the best of both worlds. Terrain capability and speed. As-is, it won’t climb near-vertical walls like a goat anyway.
It’s meant for forestry work (good luck dodging an unexpectedly falling tree fast enough if the chainsaw hands get stuck or a branch pierces the pneumatics: bye bye expensive robot). Yes, it’s so scary I just casually mentioned CHAINSAW HANDS.
You didn’t ask, but the horns are so it can’t fit through the door (and kill you)
Actually, according to the website the horns are cameras providing a wider view so it is more capable of doing its job. Very functionally necessary. 😁
It doesn’t know how to duck?
Of course it doesn’t know how to duck. It’s a centaur, not a duck.
No no, you don’t undestand, it’s just to slow it down.
It clearly doesn’t understand how to open a door, so it’s all good (right now).
OK WORLD let’s just get out in front of this, Dungeon Crawler Carl is a series of fantasy books, NOT a treatise on how to run society in the future…
Something something Torment Nexus
The window to defeat the unholy alliance of fascists, technofeudalists and plutocrats in the USA is rapidly closing. After they can field such robots in mass, it’s going to be over. Forever.
If they will come in sex robot flavor, where will they put the robocoochie?
It shoots a slippery white gel from its undercarriage to cause crimilals to slip up and get confused and trapped and hnnnngh
That’s not a centaur, thats an abomination.
