I’m still pretty early on in my HRT journey at just under 5 weeks of estradiol IM injections and Spironolactone.
One thing that I kind of was expecting but still took me by surprise was the depth of my emotions increasing.
I kept reading about “a larger range of emotional responses” but feeling it is a whole new world! I feel like my emotions have so much more texture and nuance that I pick up on. I can feel them shift from sadness to anger to determination to whatever so quickly and so intuitively.
Before I started E, the best way I can describe how my emotional state behaved was like these blurry blobs of feelings that were difficult to distinguish or identify. Everything swirled around me without me being able to fully experience them. Now they are a part of me and I would never go back ❤️
I stink now. Wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon (bout two and a half months low dose) Have to change my boxers more often than I used to and shower more (the horror). I smell more sour.
T made me more emotionally stable. I’m way less depressed than I used to be despite not changing much about my life. I used to wake up and the default would be sad, now I wake up and feel neutral (not in a numb antidepressant way, just in a normal way) most days. Worked way better than any antidepressant I’ve been on. Wasn’t expecting that to happen. I’ve heard people say they’re happier on T. Feels like I’m on default mode nowadays. Never felt that way before.
Occasionally I’ll have dreams of… anger? I’ll be asleep dreaming and feel angry, then when I wake up I’ll be normal again.
Also I’ve been getting more bloated after eating or drinking anything. Apparently T can increase water retention.
Starting Estrogen had the same effect on depression for me, I’m finally looking to actually get off them! Also, very unexpectedly, I’ve apparently started emoting more and putting more expression into my voice. I’ve always spoke with a monotone, so I was very surprised at the development.
Also yeah guys are sweaty and stinky lol
That’s pretty interesting. I wish there were more studies comparing antidepressants to HRT in trans people. Interesting how your voice changed in its innotation too. I notice if I get gendered correctly then my voice is much more masculine than if i get misgendered by someone.
Somehow being sweaty and stinky gives me gender euphoria. When I was an egg I’d try to shower as little as possible both to avoid dealing with my body and because I thought it would make me more masculine and somehow turn me into a normal teenage boy going through puberty (what the hell was I thinking. i was like twelve or something). I definitely take regular showers now but getting sweaty and stinky more than I used to makes me think “yay, the testosterone’s working”
It would be interesting, but also it definitely makes intuitive sense to me. I had an unidentifiable lifelong depression, seemingly stemming from a hatred for my body, “not fitting in” in social situations, and “feeling broken” generally. Pretty obvious what the cause was in retrospect 😅. Transitioning has resolved all of those, and I think intonation creeping in is another effect of finally feeling comfortable socially for the first time in my life.
Gender euphoria comes from funny places, I get it from boob sweat haha.
I think our two views on our emotional states changing is really interesting. I love that you’re able to find comfort and peace in feeling more emotionally stable on T. To the point it has helped more than anti-depressants for you! I hope you view that as affirming :)
Before starting HRT, T made my emotions feel more disconnected from me. Like I couldn’t quite fully “feel” them and that was distressing. Now with E, I can much more easily connect with my emotions and it has helped me feel more alive.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I find it beautiful and wholesome that something that was dysphoric for me is actually something that seems affirming for you! ❤️
Estrogen and all those hormones really fucked with my head. I have PMDD (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder). The week before menstruation, I would get heavily depressed and suicidal every month, just like clockwork. PMS rage is also horrible to deal with. I used to get super angry and break down over something small like breaking a glass or tearing a garbage bag when it was that time of the month. Made me feel so ashamed and angry at myself because I knew it was hormonal and I had no control over it. Now don’t have that issue.
I didn’t feel connected with my emotions, just wildly out of control of them. I didn’t notice “hey, i’m feeling anxious and angry today. Better chill out and take a warm shower.” It was just “AGAHAGGQHHG IM IN PAIN” Now when I feel sad or anxious or whatever I can recognize what I’m feeling because it’s not a huge tidal wave of intense, uncontrollable emotions anymore.
I’m a strong believer in the biochemical dysphoria theory. Some brains are just wired for a certain sex hormone profile. It’s really interesting how both of us had similar results from each hormone, but they affected mental and emotional health in opposite ways.
The biochemical dysphoria descriptions where by far my biggest incentive in pursuing HRT. Especially the dissociative and depersonalization aspect of it. It described my entire life after puberty To. The. Letter.
And 5 months in I feel this fog lifting over my eyes and the world makes more sense to me now. I actually am having moments where my sense of self and body are at least occupying the same space. It’s been a really surreal experience.
Glad to hear that you no longer feeling the effects of PMDD or the PMS rage. That honestly sounds terrible and glad you were able to find a way out of it!:)
For me, I believe it would be how much my shoulders, neck and jaw shrank. I thought they were roughly set in stone, but it turns out not so much
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This sounds wild. You should make a post about your story.
One thing that really wowed me was that my sense of smell changed a lot over time! Now, I can barely stand the smell of the garbage sometimes.
I’m generally more in touch with my thoughts, less quick to anger or grow irritated, and it’s easier to moderate frustration when it grows overwhelming.
Also I cry a lot more. A LOT more.
That got me too! I used to have a terrible sense of smell. Never understood why people said flowers smelled nice because I could never smell them. Few weeks into HRT and my wife gets me roses for Valentine’s Day. I could smell them through out the house 🥰
Got breast buds way faster than I was expecting. Think it was about 2 weeks in when I noticed them
Yeaaah, people will say “takes months” as a conservative estimate. I was super sore at 3 weeks lol and it really never stopped (the line between sore and tender is admittedly blurry).
it’s been many years since i started, but i don’t think anyone told me beforehand that my BO would change so drastically.
Could you expand on that? In what way(s) did it change?
Amab enby here, taking E but no anti-androgen. The changes were noticable in the first week, but I don’t have the words… they should have sent a poet. XD
Like, how does one even describe girlsmell? I’ve always appreciated natural body odors in that all-too-brief period between the fading scent of their last shower and the sour tang of going too long without, but language never seems to do justice to something so fundamental…
Anyways, I caught the first hint of changes to my scent within a few days of starting on E. There was just enough girlsmell on me to trigger a memory of one of my partners and I took note of it immediately. That new part of my scent picked up while my boysmell gradually toned down over the next couple of months, though it is still present 'cause of the lack of anti-androgens. So I’ve ended up with a mix of both that I’ve decided to call enbysmell. I’ve also found that my body odor doesn’t build up as quickly as it used to, absent exercise.
I have a SUPER random one and have been wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience; I started HRT (patches) and Spiro last week!
I’m a daily cannabis consumer and have been for many years (🩷Volcano Hybrid). One thing I experience for a few days whenever my tolerance dips, or when in a situation which lowers my tolerance (different location or around different people), is a phantom feeling like I’ve wet myself or feel like I’m about to. It’s something I mention to people who are just starting with cannabis, and I have found it’s very common. It’s not something I’ve experienced in years, and I did not expect a variation of that feeling to return. I know tolerance fluctuates based on a variety of things, so I guess I’m not surprised- just wasn’t something I expected!
Huh, I’m not entirely new to cannabis, but only dabble in d8 and occasionally thca for pain management (not legal in my state).
The past week or so I have been noticing a weird sensation like… I didn’t fully empty my bladder and just wet my panties a bit after using the restroom. I chocked it up to the Spiro (100mg 2x day) and the extra water I’ve been drinking. Now I’m wondering…
So to answer your question about others with similar experiences… maybe, lol.
Thought this post was about menopause. The replies were a bit startling at times! Soon copped on.
Something that really surprised me is that the shaft skin can secrete the same fluids as the vaginal canal. I was super confused when it first happened to me.
See on the gender dysphoria bible (You may have to scroll down to moisture and feminine oder section)
For me it didn’t happen until about 3 to 4 months but now at 8 months it doesn’t really happen to me anymore, which I don’t get.
Some things come and go. Especially those of a sexual nature. I’ve had 6 mo periods where for whatever reason, my genitals just did not function like normal at all. Then it all returns. Weird.
Indeed scent, texture, moisture, sensitivity and even coloration down there have completely changed for me. I started HRT at 37, so I had plenty of time to discover what my body was like before. And it’s very different now. I would say much closer to my AFAB partner whose body I have also had much time to explore.
Read through the link you provided. Some of those changes have me a little anxious. While I really want to be more fem, there are some masc features I want to keep. I’ll have to make a pro-con list. At the same time I’m still easily a year away from ever starting e. So I have time to think.
Thank you for sharing that link. It was really helpful for me.
Congrats on starting HRT, glad youre liking the changes :)
Thank you! So far it has been everything I had hoped for and more :)
I had previously undiagnosed BPD that went buck fucking wild. Not trying to scare you, but I want you to be prepared.
I would recommend checking into your family/gene donors history for any mental illness, especially those that are more common with women (BPD, in my case) and discuss with your therapist and support network.
For transmasc, check the history of men in your family/gene donors.
realizing my mother was diagnosed with BPD and I strongly suspect both of my sisters to have it as well
If it helps, I feel like if I had seen it coming I could have mitigated most of the fallout, and I’m in a much better place now that I’m past the worst of it.
If you have any questions, I’d be happy to try to answer them~
Instant depression cure. I was not expecting it that fast, though the initial part was probably placebo.
I also just feel more normal, like I’m finally running in default mode.
Same here, they should really put the day 1 gender euphoria on the informed consent documentation. XD
HOLY SHIT THE DROPSIES
One of the side effects of feminizing HRT is smoother skin, which is terrific. HOWEVER, be prepared for your fingertips to lose basically all their spidey-esque gripping power. Prepare for the butteriest of butter fingers. You will be dropping shit ALL THE TIME. Boxes that you used to be able to just grab the sides of to carry around? That life is OVER HONEY.
I’ve gotten used to having work gloves to wear when I’m doing anything physical.
Wooow I never made that connection!!
Indeed I have been frustrated for years over my sudden propensity for dropping things. I think there has also been a change in coordination/spatial awareness for me.
I wonder if this also factors into the increased difficulty of opening lids? No matter how much force I apply, I can’t move them without adding a grippy texture.
I think it’s also skin moisture. Since E, my wife feels totally different - her skin is cool, soft and velvety now, it used to feel warm and almost radiate humidity.
That humidity feel definitely helps grip, that’s supposedly the reason our skin prunes up in water; better grip!
Oh my god… That explains so much! Did you possibly notice it around the 1 month to 6 week mark? The past couple days I have been CONSTANTLY dropping things that I thought I had a good grip on but never did. Just slips right out and I look down like “what the hell just happened there” 😖
Worth it for the gorgeous skin though
Thats sound very terrific said like this 😅😅,
I have unfortunately to consider that 😥😭😭
My work is manual, and passions of the moment too 🙃🙃
Oh,if you’re anything like me, you neednt worry. The amount of times I’ve cut, sliced, or knicked my already large-ish hands (both from manual labor as a teen, and my hobbies now)… I wish my hands were changing at all… They’re more like lumps of charcoal than buttered noodles.
For me it was how much it felt like a liberation. This is probably more of a placebo effect than anything, but before I was still questioning. Now there is an unexpected clarity.
Definitely! I can’t help but finally free free to enjoy life the way I’m supposed to. I feel empowered for taking my life into my own hands vs before when I just “let” life happen to me
Losing height. It was one of those things that people talk about, but was largely dismissed as something that never happens. But I lost height, and it was so confusing until I worked it out :)
Did your feet shrink as well? Personally I would be very happy if I wasn’t a size 11 in women’s -.-
Yep, two sizes
