Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️
It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.
This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.
I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.
I’m 25 years old.
No. The answer is no. Unless you were exclusively looking to date leonardo dicaprio, 25 is not too old
2old4leo
Maybe I’m just in a good mood, but I saw that and about died. Thanks for the chortle and subsequent coughing fit.
I’m not even saying this to be nice. You are 25. You’re a baby. You may feel like you are old. But you are not. Not even close.
Ever hear the saying “youth is wasted on the young”? This is why people say it. Hindsight is gonna slap you in the face when you are actually old. You’re fine. It’s not too late.
Man I’m over here reading this post in my 30s like dude what? For real.
44 checking in.
- I want to punch that guy for throwing everything away because he thinks he’s older than us.
Late 30s, kinda want to dick punch him for implying I’m ancient 😂
Yeah, while I don’t think it’s ever too late to find love 25 certainly is, I was a bit younger but over twenty when I had my first relationship.
Also try to not focus too much on your weight. I know society™/capitalism wants you to think you’re unlovable if you’re fat but that is obviously bs. If you want to loose weight do it but to it for yourself first (maybe try to get fit and not loose weight per se?). Love is not only about looks.
…why would it be too late for you to date? People want companionship throughout their lives…
Thanks for responding to my post! It’s just that, I come from an immigrant background and I never really had the chance to date tbh. It’s just my thinking is that the longer it’ll take to find someone the more likely I’ll be seen as a walking red flag. Sure I’ll hopefully be in a good position career wise, great social life but never having had dated anyone isn’t a good look. It’s just in my experience a lot of people brushed me off cause of that so it just makes me feel trapped I guess. That’s why I felt that it’ll be too late.
Just stay away from all dating advice for men, be honest, learn to care about other people if you don’t already, and you’ll be fine.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
You’re still really young.
First, getting an education and getting a career going is a great start. It shows a level of maturity and that your life is moving in a positive direction. That’s a big plus.
Second, you mention that you’re from an immigrant culture. That might be skewing how you perceive the age vs relationship factor. In the US, it varies widely by socioeconomic class and geography, but just starting to get out there at 25 isn’t that unusual and shouldn’t raise a lot of red flags. I wouldn’t lead with it as an intro statement, but if it comes up naturally after a few dates with the same person, they’ll have the context to understand rather than rush to judgment.
Getting in shape generally only helps - it’s also a signal indicating that you have your life on the right track and do self care - but charisma isn’t all about weight or even appearance. You should be able to talk great, listen great, or both.
You need to remember your target demographic will be in the same situation and likely empathetic.
The only red flags in a real relationship are how you treat the other person and yourself. Don’t put dating on a pedestal. It’s just 2 people hanging out and getting to know one another.
It’s not the same for everybody. Some people find lots of success with apps. Others meet people at social events. Some meet at work. Just be yourself around people and pay attention to who you jive with on a personal level.
Weight shouldn’t be a problem. The reality is that everybody has things they are attracted to and for some people weight can be a factor. Only loose weight for your own happiness, though. Don’t do it to attract a partner because that’s not a good way to maintain a lifestyle change and your own happiness is paramount with changes like that.
I am 25
Lmao. That’s literally the age humans stop maturing.
You’re in your theoretical prime.
Now’s the time to make it happen if anything. You can be and do whatever you make of yourself.
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Even 30s is pretty good age to be.
I haven’t been able to lose weight
You need to be honest with yourself here, everyone is able to lose weight (except a very small minority of people with severe mental and or health issues) and what you really mean to say is “I have not committed to losing weight”.
There is a huge difference between wanting a fit and healthy body and actually committing long term to the idea of consistently smaller portions.
And that is all it takes. You do not need to swap every meal for a shitty salad, you do not need need to run ten miles a day, you do not need to make weight loss your number one priority, you do not need the mental strength of the world’s strongest man, you do not need more time in the day or any other of the 101 excuses that overweight people use.
- weigh yourself
- consistently eat less
- weigh yourself again after a few weeks/months
- adjust the amount you eat further if necessary
- repeat steps three and four
If you consume less calories than you burn, then you can lose weight on a diet of pizza and sitting on the couch all day.
I know what I’ve said here will come across as harsh, but it’s all absolutely true and I hope that you lose your unwanted weight, it really will help your dating prospects and it will make you feel better about yourself too!
Amen to this. OP if you focused on career and income by this point maybe you have some spare money to use on a personal fitness coach. They will help guide and motivate you which long term should help with all manner of issues you might be dealing with, from mental to health. Good luck. You can do it!
I second this. Getting a source of external motivation like a coach is great for achieving a goal like this. Especially as they would no doubt have techniques to make the journey easier.
While what you said is technically true, it’s not good advice. The standard advice of 'eat less, exercise more, and it’s your own fault if you don’t get results" sets up most people for failure. In fact, that’s exactly why it’s bad advice - OP has most certainly seen it and attempted it, and it’s not working for them.
Everyone is different, and responds differently. OP needs to examine what they’ve tried and why it’s not working for them. For many people, myself included, sugar acts as a drug. The only answer is to eliminate it from your diet, AKA low-carb (keto, Atkins) diets. Other people are stress eaters who need to develop coping mechanisms. Still others are bored eaters, or people who succumb easily to temptation.
Telling any of these people to just eat less is the one thing guaranteed to fail.
Occam’s razor.
You can complicate the concepts of weight gain and loss all you like, it always boils down to calories in Vs calories out.
You’ll show me 99 people that have several excuses about why they in particular can’t lose weight and I’ll only be able to show you one that holds their hands up and says “I admit it, I’m weak and I’d rather have cake now than a nice body a few months later”.
Losing weight is like stopping smoking, it’s all conjecture and day dreams until one day you say “fuck this, I’m changing and sticking with it STARTING NOW”.
Some people need tough love, not more readymade excuses.
It sounds like you’ve never struggled with weight loss, and for that I congratulate you. I couldn’t manage until I learned to avoid carbs.
Yes, the end result is still fewer calories. But this approach made it a whole lot easier for me, since it reduced my hunger.
I disagree. More people need the education around weight loss. Too many people think you can outwork a bad diet in the gym and it is simply and entirely untrue.
You lose weight in the kitchen and you tone your body/build muscle in the gym.
It is worth repeating because many people honestly do not understand it.
Eat less food to lose weight. Go to the gym to get stronger.
You don’t need to be thin to date. I’ve been a fat man my whole life, introverted and introspective, spent most of my life alone.
My first relationship wasn’t until about your age. I married her because I thought I’d always be alone otherwise. It was a mistake and I was wrong.
Took a long time to figure myself out, only had two other real relationships and a few nonstarters, then met my wife when I was almost 40.
I’m still fat. So what?
It’s not too late. I met someone when I was 42, now we live together and our son is 8 month old:
(The boy, not the cat)
When it comes to losing weight and dating, at least for me it helped, I guess you get more confident when you lose weight and that attracts women.
Thank you for the clarification.
…Is the cat a boy?
Yes, the cat is actually a boy too, his name is Leo.
The one advice I can give you is, women are closer to men than you may think. Whatever you find interesting, there’s someone out there who would think so too. Whatever disgusts you, probably disgusts women too. IMO, dating advice that includes phrases such as “as a man” are misleading, because they imply that women are fundamentally different and must be treated differently.
Treat them as you would a friend, rather than something to be won, and you’ll find that people will be more receptive. 25 years old is still plenty young
After outliving two husbands, my great aunt Anna got married again at 97. Why would you think things are over at 25?
If the question is “am I too old to X?” where X is not some kind of major official sporting achievement or something limited only to children, the answer is no.
Honestly it sounds like you’re in a pretty good place to me. Educated, good job, actively social, these are all attractive things! But the fact that you asked this question in the first place suggests confidence is still lacking a bit (which makes sense, you are as other commenters have said still very young). One thing that does help with confidence is losing weight and feeling like you look good, so in that respect it probably would help. But it’s not like heavier people are all single, if you click with someone you click. And by putting yourself out there you’re already giving yourself the best chance of that happening.
Relax, you’re only 25. You have plenty of time to fall madly in love, get married, fall madly out of love, get divorced, and repeat. Multiple times if you want to! People of all ages and in all walks of life are dating and getting together, so no, you’re never too old.
Also as far as weight goes, in my opinion you should lose it because you want to lose it, not simply because you think it’ll make you more attractive to others. You’re more likely to keep it off that way, and when it comes to building meaningful relationships I think being fit is much less important than being yourself and being comfortable in your own skin.
You have plenty of time to fall madly in love, get married, fall madly out of love, get divorced, and repeat.
As a 43yo, fuck did that hit hard. Well, except for the “repeat” part. I have a lot of issues to work through before I get to that, if ever.
Dude, you are being way, way too hard on yourself. Here is why:
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Your personality doesn’t fully develop until you’re about 26 or 27. This is because of development in your prefrontal cortex
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The fitness thing can change relatively easily and yes, it will help you. Not only will it help you dating, but it’ll help your lifestyle in general and you’re overall health.
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There are tons of people that are in the same boat as you within your cohort. I realize that of me feel like you’re dating opportunities are over now that you’ve graduated, but this is just a change in your lifestyle.
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You are already workinfg on improving yourself which is going to improve your odds on finding someone that you connect with. Your volunteering, you’re doing other things. You are chasing own hobbies and living your life. This also helps
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Anecdotally, I was in a very similar position at your age. Spend a pile of time working (300 hr months from June to December; 220ish the rest of the year). I still managed to find the right person and now I’m snuggling our youngest while typing this.
The journey of self improvement is thankless. It sucks. You feel like you’re getting nowhere and everyone is miles out ahead of you. They aren’t, and if they seem like it, it’s because they have made tradeoffs. Comparison ruins our self confidence. Try you best to avoid it. Let what you do on self improvement be because that’s what you want to improve upon because that’s how you envision the best version of yourself.
Self-improvement is also extremely slow. Same with the dating thing. I realize how painfully lonely it can be to be single, but developing a good group of friends will help. Further, you shouldn’t view a potential partner as something necessary to make you happy or complete. You need to be those things before you even think about getting into a relationship; otherwise you’re setting yourself up for disaster and placing unreasonable expectations on said partner.
I could go on, but there’s enough there to encourage you
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No. 25 is very young.
Dating can be difficult and lots of people screw it up. That’s okay. Being bad at something is the first step towards being okay at something.
Remember to ask questions when you go on dates. It’s a common mistake for people to just talk about themselves. Try to ask the other person open ended questions, and engage with whatever they’re talking about. So if they say like “I went to Storm King this weekend” you can say like “Oh storm king is lovely! My favorite is the sculpture of the moving pipes that spin but never touch. What’s your favorite part?” Don’t go off on a monologue. Don’t just change the topic to something you want to talk about. It’s like a game of catch. Throw the ball back.
Also weight isn’t the most important thing. Unless you’re like so overweight it’s a medical problem, there are people out there who will be into you. If you want to lose weight (or get fit, an arguably better goal) then you should do it for yourself.
Also rejection is to be expected. Don’t let it get to you.
If you use an app like tinder, you’re going to get way more misses than hits. That’s fine. Focus on the hits and let the misses fade from memory.
You’re good dude, I only started dating this year and I’m well into my 30s. It’s never too late
Where did you meet people? I try only online because I don’t have the idea or friends to meet in other places.
It’s probably not feasible or realistic for most people, but I met people through working for a temp agency in my early twenties. Sometimes I would work with up to three different teams of people in one week. The pay was shite, but it actually really helped me curb a lot of my social anxiety. I met some awesome people that way.
I’m not really sure where you’re going with this. What’s the alternative, just working yourself to death? You can date whenever you decide to date.
Everyone’s life is different. Some people are married, have kids, and divorce before they can even have a legal drink. Others kind of slowly see a friendship morph into a long term relationship without them even noticing. Still others are happy to be free and unattached. Your story is your own, on your own timeline.
If you have a more specific concern (which I think you do), such as how to meet people after 25, try posting that as its own question to the right audience. Just be careful to avoid the toxic areas, like incels.
