Funny how they picked the most pervert-looking bird for the article photo.
Then why do I keep getting punished every time I masturbate among birds?
Just wait until the GOP (grand old parrots) learn about this.
I’ll see myself out.
I’m sorry people are out trying to punish birds?
A seagull stole my chip. Are you suggesting I just Let That Go?
Look, man, I wasn’t punishing them I just didn’t have anything to feed them but cornflakes. I am not John Kellogg; I didn’t think that shit actually would stop anyone masturbating. 🤷♂️
Some of them insist upon it, even if you’ve never SEEN a fucking flog, much less wielded one against a partner.
I believe the politically correct term is “Women”. They tend to bitch a lot when you call them “birds”.
No wonder that’s a more common behavior in wild birds.
I still do it the old-fashioned way and call them “chicks”.
Oh dude broads hate it when you call 'em chicks
“Dude broads”
What a bunch of cucks.
Til that people are punishing birds for masturbating
My mind blown
humans never cease to amaze don’t they
American Christianity punishes all ideas of enjoying sex, even among animals.
But not between priests and altar boys, it seems
To be fair that’s just Catholicism and not American Christianity ™®©.
Don’t get me wrong, American Christianity ™®© has its share of pedophiles, possibly even more than catholicism, however it’s usually straight because they just believe younger girls are more fertile.
Who was punishing birds for masturbating in the first place? Why!?
Researchers historically tended to assume birds either did not masturbate or did so only under the stress of captivity … Accounts from hobbyists revealed that some owners had sought veterinary help when they caught their birds masturbating, fearing the animals might hurt themselves.
I would have just assumed they were preening…
This explains all the bird watchers.
People are HORRIBLE with birds. Even the ones that pretend to love them treat them like trash.
And then there’s the fuckers that think that their views of the world matters more than anything else, and will punish masturbation because animals don’t feel pleasure so it shouldn’t be allowed, will punish them for having gay couples because gay shouldn’t exist and especially not in animals (else how can you say your main homophobic argument of “gay is unnatural, only degenerate humans do it”), will starve them for “training” purposes, and don’t get me started on the diets, environment safety and cage sizes.
There’s a reason why the life expectancy of birds doesn’t increase in captivity. People are really, really horrible with birds, and the more I read about people who “care” about birds the worse I feel for their birds.
Being gay is unnatural, that’s why you never saw a gay goat!
Actually, goats are unnatural. But you never saw a gay frog!
Actually, that’s Big Pharma making the frogs gay. But you never saw a gay bird!
“folk husbandry often advises bird keepers to discourage or punish this behaviour, sometimes even resorting to surgery and hormonal interventions,”
TIL there’s a cottage industry of preventing bird mastrubation
A bird wrote this
PS: Article delivers
An investigation into acts of self-pleasure among parrots and other birds has reached a climax
Typically, males would be “rubbing quite vigorously” on their perch, a toy or a twig, or on their owner’s hand, foot or shoulder
Freaky ass birds.
Hold up. If a bird is bonded to you, and it does it, does it even count as baitin’? Sounds more like it’s trying to mate with its mate. Or is bird-jacking fundamentally different? Bird experts… pitch in.
Hold up. If a bird is bonded to you, and it does it, does it even count as baitin’? Sounds more like it’s trying to mate with its mate.
This is actually one part of why fully hand-rearing baby parrots should not be done. When they don’t perceive themselves as birds and will only bond to humans, they can get extremely frustrated since humans can’t properly answer to their instinctual needs like mating behavior. This then easily leads to plenty of behavioral issues like excessive screaming and aggression towards even the human they’re bonded with. Never seek to become a birds mate, just be friends with them
Can you explain why a bird bonded to you from early childhood would also be sexually attracted to you? To humans in general I could understand but why to you, the “parent”? Are birds less opposed to incest?
Not an expert, but I’ve witnessed something like this. Step mom turned into a strange bird person for her midlife crisis, got an African grey that absolutely hates all females including her, but loves all dude. It dude puff up and squat on your shoulder, but it wouldn’t rub anything. Maybe it’s different for male birds.
An investigation into acts of self-pleasure among parrots and other birds has reached a climax, with the results providing welcome relief for vets and researchers, not to mention the birds themselves.
Asked if they showed any signs of self-loathing or Catholic guilt, Heys thought not. “I don’t want to say satisfied, but they do look different after they finish. It’s obviously doing something for them.”
Someone was having a little too much fun with this article.
Sounds like the birds were still having more fun
I used to have budgies, one of the males used to chat up his (male) friend whilst perched on my head… and then he’d start grinding away while still on my head
Fortunately he never left a deposit
Freaky little (head) fucker
If you’ve ever seen a bird masturbate, you absolutely know what that bird is doing.
Hilarious statement. So if I have never seen a bird masturbate, I would not know what the bird is doing? Wow.
As someone who’s never seen a bird masturbate, I assumed it would look like preening. This sentence clarified that it would not look similar.
Perfect timing, I’ll have to print out a copy of this article for the court as part of my defense in an upcoming case where it’s relevant.
Oh no, another expert in Bird Law
In bird culture, this is considered a cloacal move.
Sounds like a good candidate for an Ig Nobel Price.
Polly want a whacker?
Let the little birdies just Beat it!
