Lol what a grift. I go to an actual sex con twice a year. There are like 500 people. Tickets are less than $100 bucks for an entire weekend. The speakers are actually real speakers who do sex and talks and teach professionally. The classes are usually “we ran out of chairs so stand in the back” full of people interested in the content.
The parties at night are included in your ticket. The entire venue becomes a dungeon. There are meet and greets and online ways to find people to hang or play with. All included.
The only catch is that you have to know about it and you have to be referred to it. Tickets still sell out and there’s still a wait-list every single time.
$18,000? Lol. Lmao even.
I guess that’s the ticket price for “I have no community, and am not interested in finding one or building community, so I have to pay to pretend to have community.”
Sex is awesome. These losers are not.
Also Adam Conover is one of the least sexy people on the planet and makes no sense to be at a sex con.
I guess that’s the ticket price for “I have no community, and am not interested in finding one or building community, so I have to pay to pretend to have community.”
This is so spot on. I’ve been to a $20 Shibari workshop which was super educational and friendly. You could tell a lot of care was put into it. Language was inclusive and felt natural which made the environment feel safe. Solo attendees were welcome, as you could do all the exercises on yourself and I imagine that was partially to make it clear that the focus wasn’t on partnering.
If people wanted to stick around there was an “open salon” after the class. Regulars were just hanging out (unobtrusively) and it seemed like good vibes. It was clear to my hyper vigilant ass this was a bit of a vetting session but not in a snobby way, if that makes sense?
That’s what good spaces look like. Tickets to cover costs or as a small barrier to entry, good inclusive safe vibes only, and ways for everyone to participate (or the event makes it very clear it’s not for everyone which is okay too.)
These spaces exist all over if people put in the effort to go to them with a focus on learning and community building. Just like any community space.
How does one poke around for these spaces? I feel the most autistic when it comes to intimacy and sex related things because a whole host of reasons that I’m not going to get into here. With autism I feel like you can learn social things but you kind of have to crash and burn more then the regular person. This is kind of hard to do with things like touch and sex. All of that to say, I have zero idea how you look around for these communities I’ve heard so much about without hurting one of the Da Rulz. And to clarify I mean in a way that is like “oh hey I’m looking for a Shibari community” “OMG I can’t believe you would just ask that!” “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it” “Only a terrible person would ask such a thing” sound of door slamming on relationship
I mean maybe that is just something you have to deal with even without autism, but I just feel way over my head about it.
Edit: in case it needs to be said I do not think the OP event is good in anyway shape for form. It just seems like Infamousblt is experience and thought I would ask. Feel the need to put this cause damn people have been reading the worst possible faith in my shit around here lately
A lot of people that I know in kink are autistic so that’s definitely not a thing that excludes you from participating in this sort of thing. The good parts of the kink community love clear questions and communication. We would rather people ask a dumb question and be told no, than make a dumb assumption and cross a boundary you couldn’t even conceive of because you didn’t have enough context to know about.
As far as events, it depends on where you are, but my main suggestion is to start on something like FetLife. Which sucks and is an awful website, but, it’s like Facebook for kink and as such basically any kink event is posted there. Then you just find events that you think sound interesting and start going. If you’re looking for something even more entry level you can often find munches or queer community events on Facebook or meetup. Friends you make there will eventually trust you enough to talk to you about other more sex forward events.
My recommendation would be to find events that are regularly occurring and not one offs. Also find events whose hosts have complete FetLife profiles that have a history of attending or participating in events. Only go to events that feel safe to you and prioritize events that are explicitly safe to your needs. These sorts of events will have posted policies around consent and inclusivity. Even better if you can find beginner friendly or 101 sort of events. It’s always okay to say no. It is always okay to walk out and leave. If any event has any expectation of you other than “be here and follow our guidelines” fucking run.
And then you start going. Most importantly you work through the awkward times. The first time you go to an event, nobody will talk to you. This is because the regulars are tired of meeting people, putting energy into people, and then never seeing them again. Even if you don’t really talk to anyone if the event seems like your kind of space, keep going back. Push through the awkward phase. Eventually folks will be like “oh they keep coming” and you’ll make friends. Or you won’t and that event isn’t for you.
Like all community building you start somewhere, go into it with the only expectations being “I want to learn and I want community”, and the rest of it will come with time and effort.
Anyway always happy to answer questions about this sort of thing because I was a a baby poly baby queer baby kinkster once too and I only graduated from baby status because people helped me figure it out
I’ve been looking for this peice of advice for a long time but was always unsure where to ask. Thank you.
This is why I wish Hexbear was slightly more sex positive than it is, the overlap between modern queer kink and leftist shit posting is much more than folks might think
Change that needs to be made, and shit. Sometimes I wonder if people take the volcel police thing as a complete moratorium on any talk of sex at all, but going on this thread it seems like things could be chill honestly.
I agree on all your points made here.
Thank you so much! This is so helpful!!!
Hello fellow autistic! I’m going to crawl out of my “do not perceive me as a sexual being” box for a sec to reply to this. (No bullshit turns out shibari was just a sensory seeking thing lol so that previous comment didn’t count).
My story was a few years pre-pandemic and I have no idea how the world has changed since then so sorry if this is bad or dated info. I did not know I was autistic at the time, but I did have autistic partners. I think autistic people are over-represented in sex positive/kink spaces because clear, ongoing communication is critical instead of weird 😊
I guess for context I’m AFAB, and millennial aged (1981-1996).
With autism I feel like you can learn social things but you kind of have to crash and burn more then the regular person. This is kind of hard to do with things like touch and sex.
I don’t think the rules are clear for neurotypicals either tbh. There are so many mixed messages and so much of it is tied to gender norms and patriarchy and I hate it so much lol. Maybe a useful way to frame it is to think about people you have a compatible communication style with vs not. Reading some of the stuff on the event page really made it sound like they are trying to find some way to be universally appealing to access sex instead of treating people as individuals. I had such a visceral reaction to this because it is extremely harmful to everyone involved and it is such a weird feeling to be desired and hated at the same time 🤮🤮🤮
All of that to say, I have zero idea how you look around for these communities I’ve heard so much about without hurting one of the Da Rulz. And to clarify I mean in a way that is like “oh hey I’m looking for a Shibari community” “OMG I can’t believe you would just ask that!” “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it” “Only a terrible person would ask such a thing”
sound of door slamming on relationship
I’m probably reading too much into the word relationship here. But if it is meant as sexual and/or romantic partner I don’t think there is a way you could ask this hypothetical person about shibari that would conform to “the rules”. I think it’s very normal to have some desires that your partner isn’t into and that’s okay, but if someone thinks your desires make you a bad person I don’t think it’s possible to form a healthy relationship with them.
Anyways, is fetlife still a thing? Fetlife is a good start lol. Maybe your city has a thread? Maybe they list events? Maybe you just get practice expressing desire in a safe space? That’s cool too.
Other people have mentioned “munches” and I am the wrong kind of autistic for that shit lol. Both in terms of sensory issues and lack of structure. Munches are meet ups in public spaces so there is a way to get to know people outside of a sexually charged environment. Because the intent is to get to know people it’s a bit lower pressure than something geared towards partnering. I understand them to be friendly and inclusive. Just not for me.
I did meet all of my partners online which gave the space to be upfront and clear about intentions in a way that feel hard to do in person. For example, you can find checklists online and fill them out about things you like and don’t like and then there is no guessing! If you want, you can be upfront about your challenges in the hopes that the people you end up connecting with will be understanding. I did always feel out the vibe in a neutral environment first and sometimes it’s a flop and that’s okay.
Sex clubs exist. The rules are super specific to each place and even each event. Some are swingers clubs, some are open to the public but only let solo attendees on certain days. They usually have a mechanism to non-verbally indicate what you are looking for and most will include detailed etiquette guides. Your local club probably has a fetlife thread where you can ask questions.
Adult stores can be community hubs and have event posters.
Good luck comrade
🪄 back to being invisible 🪄
This is a good post and you should be visible more often to make more good posts
I hate talking about sex on the internet but if I can help a fellow autistic person live their best life, I’ll get over it 😅
Thank you for the response! With relationship I kind of just meant it in general when trying to poke around. As you and others have mentioned being autistic, I prefer open and direct conversation, but I have had very bad experiences with people in all other parts of the communication sphere. I actually had to put the brakes on a relationship once cause they were just telling me things I wanted to hear, and I was not going to advance that physically if I could not trust them to tell me to stop, you know?
I haven’t tried FetLife, I think that is my next step. I didn’t think about adult stores; they were outlawed in the state I grew up in, so I forgot to consider them. Or it was something like they couldn’t advertise so they basically didn’t exist?
I really appreciate the threads to start here. It honestly helps more then I can put into words, but I’m sure you understand.
Also Adam Conover is one of the least sexy people on the planet and makes no sense to be at a sex con.
That must be why he’s no longer on the list of guests.
Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if he backed out after seeing who else was on it and what the event actually was.
You can usually go to a munch for free.
Very true, I personally don’t enjoy munches for a whole host of reasons but they are a thing and I’d bet basically any medium size city has multiple
If you have to learn how to fuck from Adam Conover you become officially straight no matter how you started
adam conover withdrew from the event too, even he thinks they cant fuck
Politically straight.
You’d have to pay me $18.000 to hang around with Aella, let alone flirt with her
Also took at look at the FAQ out of curiosity and immediately the first question was:
Will I have sex at the event?
followed up by
Will you teach pickup artistry?
and
Where do you stand in the culture war?
Seems like they know their audience pretty well
I feel bad for Nina Hartley. Imagine going from being a legend in the adult film scene – exploitative as it is – to having to share oxygen with the LSD and garden gnome rope bondage AnCap girl
Also took at look at the FAQ out of curiosity and immediately the first question was:
Will I have sex at the event?
It’s always bothered me how few conferences have an faq which clarifies this.
In case anyone didn’t recognize the host like I did, it’s the eugenics girl with odd proclivities that went viral a couple years ago
She showered 24 times in a given year.
There’s nothing wrong with participating in orgies or group sex, but… I can’t help but find this odd.
I don’t wanna sound like a prude or anything but # of showers should at least match # of times you had sex
Also lmao days “worked” = 118. That’s like 2 days a week, and I can guarantee those aren’t 8 hours days.
I agree, but maybe it is a cultural thing for me.
If a young Iranian couple are taking a lot of showers, it is a sign of how much they’re doing it.
I don’t know how is the water situation on Iran, but how can people not shower at least once a day if water is available? I’m from Brazil BTW
I mean if they take like 3 showers in short succession in one day, they fucked like 3 times.
pooped: 213
Rookie
Dookie
Count Dookie was that guy from star war
I guess it says something about my priorities, but how is it possible that she had less “good meals” than sex in a year? How is it that she showered the same number of times as had good meals? What is even going on here?
Edit: This unironically is like an anti-hedonic way to live, a complete rejection of hedonism. Stoicism cosplaying as Hedonism.
I completely missed the 24 good meals stat. Like what the fuck are you even doing when you’re that rich and you only have a “good meal” once every other week? I’m broke as shit and I still manage better than that jfc. Maybe my standards are lower since I haven’t had baby songbird nuggets or rhino steak or whatever the fuck these rich fucks eat but what kind of soulless empty life are you “living” when you have access to a standard of living beyond most people’s wildest dreams and you aren’t having a “good meal” regularly?
The rich really are completely alien
maybe good meal means high-end restaurant
or maybe she’s a soylent freak and only ate real food that many times.
Had sex 41 times? That’s vaguely the same figure as the people on the orgy. So she had sex only once in the whole year?
that’s silicon valley life optimisation grindset
15 didn’t cum
Also who are the 5 people who showed up to the gang bang and didn’t participate? Does she smell that bad?
I remember reading about it, it was some CNC thing where she couldn’t communicate and was held down which is a lot with a stranger.
Oh I thought we were talking about Fleischman when you mentioned eugenics
I was, I didn’t expect two of them
same
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Why didn’t she normalize her data to per day instead of per year?
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Normalizing her data to per day just makes her life look wretched. She only goes outside every other day instead of almost every day like most people (work plus buying food or pumping gas), and she only showers once every other week.
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The alienation this whole thing implies about our present society makes me genuinely sad.
adam conover is certainly a guy who likes attention
He likes money, and he will do anything that pays
He’s dropped out.
Good for him, he probably accepted it because it pays, then found out this was really weird.
Well that I can relate with. Shit is expensive nowadays and jobs are hard to find.
Ah he is a Writer’s Guild rep
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if you can and do drop $10K to practice flirting with paid conference staff in the “VIP” space of a conference, you are without hope for genuine connection in this world.
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the “therapist/orgy organizer” professional title combo is giving me “sexual predator/procurer” vibes.
’s partner and former head of comms of his org MIRI btw.had to look this guy up. never went to college or high school, but somehow gets to be called a “researcher” and gets published in media and invited to speak at institutions just for writing articles relying on his own thought experiments and vibes as evidence.
a scifi hollywood screenwriter has more to contribute to this topic than this fucking bozo.
Hey now, you’re missing his most important qualification: he wrote a laughably bad
objectivistedit: rationalist harry potter fanfiction!Rationalist. Objectivist is Ayn Rand which this isn’t quite.
Honestly the parallels are huge… Influential "philosophical movement"s, considered crackpots by most but widely read among business elite. Ayn Rand also basically used objectivism and her students/proteges as a sex cult, similarly to how EA/Rationalism have spawned multiple.
It is almost as if they have philosophical parallels in their views of other individuals and their personal expectation of care.
You are correct, but I hope you can understand how I got those confused lol.
Of course, easy mistake to make.
He also specifically denounced Ayn Rand in said fic.
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What’s the refund policy?
No refunds after September 11
sorry chad, but the pilots get the girls
No refunds after 9/11/01. The refund period has already passed 25 years ago/.
Loose (for) Change
Hello, my name is Meatperson, I am an evolutionary psychologist
Hello, my name is 487h3GHh98094X-C. No not that one, you’re thinking of Elon Musk’s kid. I’m the other 4576278237hf3788X-C, the philosoper
Hi, my name is CheesyCheese, I’m the co-inventor of LetsFuck.com
Meatperson meet Fleischman
Edit: that’s actually their name, I realize that now.
Isn’t Evolutionary Psychology tied to eugenics. What is a eugenicist doing here
She is also just outspoken pro eugenics.
looking for a new Evo Psych hot take
ask the sexcon receptionist if their Evo Psycho is race science or sexism
she doesnt understand
pull out illustrated diagram explaing what is race science and what is sexism
she laughs and says “it’s a good panel ma’am"
buy a ticket
its race science
In 2021, Fleischman co-authored the paper Can ‘eugenics’ be defended?, which argued that the scientific debate around genetic enhancement was polarized and concluded that “just as enhancement isn’t a unified category that we can simply judge as morally good or bad, so too with genetic enhancement or eugenics”. Fleischman wrote an essay in 2023, titled “You’re Probably a Eugenicist”, arguing that Dor Yeshorim’s goal of reducing the rate of Tay-Sachs disease and cystic fibrosis in Jewish families could be described as eugenicist and that “Gay men and lesbian women in the US often use gamete donors from egg and sperm banks to have kids in a process that is transparently eugenic … Organisations that recruit egg and sperm donors don’t just recruit for fertility, they also screen for mental and physical health, height, education and criminal history – because that’s what their clients want and expect”.
Fleischman is a staunch advocate of polygenic embryo screening. According to historian of science Emily Klancher Merchant, Fleischman has claimed that “selecting an embryo according to its predicted educational attainment is no different from selecting one according to its number of chromosomes”. Fleischman is quoted as saying “we are all eugenicists”.
"Gay men and lesbian women in the US often use gamete donors from egg and sperm banks to have kids in a process that is transparently eugenic …
Noooo they made queers party to eugenics, not again, nooooooo
How the fuck do you manage to make sex uncool?!
This could be anything from a new version of onlyfans, to a dating site, to a rebrand of some “sex positive” “leftist” Nebula type of video essay platform, to an ai sexbot farm. I have no idea and all seem equally plausible.
There are many, many things I disagreed with my philosophy professors about in college, but one thing I absolutely agree with them about is that it is essentially impossible for you to be a ‘philosopher’ and have any kind of actually unique insights in the philosophical space before you are 40.
I’d make that 50 if you are a Youtuber.
Having unique takes is really, really hard. A big part of what graduate school in philosophy is supposed to do is give you a good enough understanding of the pre-existing literature in your sub-specialty that you’re capable of knowing if your idea is actually original or not. Even then, it’s really difficult to come up with original takes that are also sensible and defensible. I agree that it is virtually impossible for a 20-something with no formal background in philosophy to put forward original ideas or positions; the space of arguments is just too densely filled.
I feel like the prioritization of unique insights is kind of glory hound behavior and it’s better to just be well-reasoned even if it “just” leads you to, in part, supporting positions that people have had for 200 or 2000 years.
The key to even knowing if your insights are unique is to have a comprehensive understanding of what insights came before you, otherwise you will, no joke, just reinvent the wheel over and over again, like all the ‘effective altruists’ did.
Certainly, my point was just that the priority of unique insights is I think something that can lead people to detrimental biases because a number of those insights of the past are correct (using a math example, Euclidean geometry is still a very useful system). It feels like there’s historically a problem of treating philosophy like a series of inspired geniuses, almost like prophets of mutually incompatible realities, and to be a philosopher you need to have your own Doctrine with your own Brand that has whatever sort of novelty or gimmick to separate yourself from the others, not just merely have a set of views and arguments without particular concern one way or the other for novelty.
It’s similar to how people who only really wrote commentaries, or who we only have commentaries from, are implicitly degraded. Commentaries aren’t as good for branding, though of course some end up working out.
Sorry, I think this is just a bugbear getting g the best of me, as often happens.
Totally understand! It is absolutely a symptom of the academic reality of having to generate a ‘brand’.
What the fuck is a flirt girl
Edit: Damn on the title alone I was all hopeful this would be like a hip, inclusive and fun Sue Johanson type vibe but now I want to tear my skin off and sit in the shower.
Who is going to make the patriarchal heteronormative bingo card? No one? Good choice, protect your peace lovelies 💕
I suspect it’s a legally preferable way to say sex worker.
Hosts. Japanese style rather than traditional western restaurant ones.
Yeah, been browsing their website and have never wanted to have sex less in my life
https://slate.com/life/2025/12/women-sex-men-dating-california-trip.html
Of the 150 or so attendees of Slutcon, many of them, like Simon, were either virgins or something close to it. Tickets ranged from $1,000 to $9,000, and the retreat was pitched as a place to learn how to interact with women—as instructed by women themselves. Slutcon is staffed almost entirely by paid and volunteer female sex workers and intimacy experts, and together, they had made themselves available to be touched, seduced, or otherwise experimented on by the novices at any moment during the convention.
In the parlance of Slutcon, these professionals are referred to as its “flirt girls” or, more colloquially, its “flirtees.” Wearing plastic green wristbands that designated their consent, they darted between the men, sultry and warm, prepared to host anyone who endeavored an approach. Men brave enough to try would be rewarded with their most coveted desire: a chance to speak with, caress, or, hell, maybe even have sex with someone they were attracted to in a controlled environment, where fears of offense were nullified. After all, Slutcon is what its founders call “a place to experiment without getting canceled.”
So this is 100% a grift to teach tech bro investors how to get laid by letting them flirt with sex workers.
I mean, you can actually do that by paying an escort for a LOT less. Even the high-end ones.
Having a safe space to learn about flirting and consent is wonderful. Love it. On board. Celebrating sluttiness? Hell yeah, I would like to live deliciously, thanks!
This is so not it.
Let me amend it. Japanese hosts but way more exploitative
Who is going to make the patriarchal heteronormative bingo card? No one? Good choice, protect your peace lovelies 💕
Don’t worry, your money is welcome 🤗
classic dynamics between men and women
I honestly have no idea what this means but I don’t think I like it.
Idk why but the specific language of “classic” feels funnily absurd to me. Like funny in an awful what the fuck way.
Definitely as in classic Athens
You know, it reminds me of this time I said something mean about Jordan Peterson (back when he was mostly a local problem) and a teenage relative defended him saying something like “actually he’s more of a classic liberal” as if that was positive or something. I don’t think anyone understood why that cracked me up so bad. I don’t think I understand it either but it still makes me laugh.
I don’t want to dunk on them too hard because I think we should politely forget cringe takes from teenagers and they turned out okay in the end.
Sooo … stuck in the 18 hundreds? Which sounds about right.
Tbf defending someone by saying they’re a classical liberal is pretty funny. “They’re just this other bad thing”
But I’m glad to hear they’re alright
TESCREAL booth babes.
Wow thanks I had no idea covert misogynist tech bros i encountered in the 2010s have rebranded.
Jokes on you I don’t even know what a sex is
when two or more people are scared of dying alone…
Aren’t we all gonna die alone one way or another?
nah if you’re lucky you both go the same night in your sleep
you both
Which both? I’m sitting in front of a monitor all alone.
are you scared of dying alone?
Nope. Death is a natural process and Idc how it happens.
